If you’ve ever spent Halloween in the nation’s Capitol, you know it’s a hotspot for oddly-specific political costumes that only make sense to your fellow news junkies and policy wonks.
If you want to join in, but don’t want to the be 20th person at your party dressed as a Ruth Bader Gins-Burger or Little Rocket Man, we humbly recommend these six nerdy Halloween costumes that will really only work in D.C.
1. Since you’re in D.C., you probably went to law school for at least six months and know that old cliché’ about how easy it is for a grand jury to bring an indictment.
Pay tribute to this old chestnut by donning a suspiciously expensive Italian suit and two slices of white bread. Rye will also work in a pinch.
Just make sure you don’t wear an orange jumpsuit or handcuffs, since, as we’ve been reminded, an indictment is not a conviction and we really don’t want to be sued for defamation.
Costume name: Indicted Ham Sandwich
2. If you spend any time on Twitter, you know that the chosen response to any Trump misstep is a pithy, well-placed “BUT HER EMAILS!”
Somehow, this joke just never, ever gets old. Ever.
Take it one step further this Halloween by dousing yourself in churned dairy products and stapling as many emails you can get through a FOIA request onto your costume.
Then, hide in the bushes and anytime somebody in a Trump costume walks by, pop out and shout “But her emails!”
Judging by Twitter, this gag certainly won’t stop being funny after the first 5,000 times and may, in fact, even get funnier.
So go ahead, get it out of your system. Please.
Costume name: Butter Emails
3. Nostalgia costumes are all the rage. Look no further than the scores of Smurf or Flintstones outfits you’ll see on your annual pub crawl.
This one seems to strike a certain chord in people by reminding them of the good old days of 2015, wherein the upcoming election was just going to be a boring slog between two legacy candidates.
We guarantee that this blast from the past will be so well received that you won’t even need to ask people to clap!
Costume name: Jeb Bush
4. “I’M WOLF BLITZER, YOU’RE IN THE SITUATION MOON.”
That’s kind of funny, right? No? Fine.
Look, even if it isn’t, it’ll still get more chuckles than this costume’s namesake on a good day.
To complete the illusion, remember to howl and snarl in a flat, loud monotone for two hours at a time.
Costume name: Werewolf Blitzer
5. This one may be the easiest costume to put together if you’re short on time.
First, call your friends and tell them that you’ll be arriving at their party shortly. Proceed to text them frequent updates about how close you are and how you’re just around the corner and will definitely show up any minute.
Then, simply never come.
Costume name: The Pivot
6. Find yourself a Trump costume. Cut it in half.
Then get a Hillary Clinton costume. Cut it in half.
Now, stitch them both together and spend the rest of the night pretending that both sides of your new costume are just as scary!
Costume name: False Equivalency
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