Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a “surprise” appearance Tuesday evening on “The Colbert Report,” proving once and for all that she is the best and most effective cure for insomnia.
What I’m trying to say is that the segment was criminally boring and painfully scripted.
"Here is the Colbert review: ... This book is 656 pages of shameless name-dropping," the show’s host said at the beginning of Clinton's "surprise" appearance, referring to her new book, Hard Choices. "I just don't buy any of this. There is no way on Earth one woman can be in so many places at once."
Clinton then “surprised” Colbert's audience by emerging from behind the show's set, introducing herself with this regrettable mom dance:
And it's all downhill from there, beginning with Clinton accusing Colbert of being a bit of a name dropper himself.
"Oh, really, 'name dropper'? That's not what my good friend Tom Hanks calls me, when we're hanging out at George Clooney's place," Colbert said.
"I love George. I wish he could have joined us when I had lunch with Meryl Streep and Ecuadorian President Rafael Correa." Clinton responded.
"Oh, Raffi. He's such a cutup. Especially when we go camping with Oprah," he said.
"O?" she asked.
"Oh, does that surprise you?" he responded.
"No. 'O' is just what all her real friends call Oprah," Clinton said
"I know Paul McCartney."
"I negotiated with Hamid Karzai."
"I shared an office with Steve Carrell."
It goes on and on like that for quite some time, ending eventually with Colbert telling his audience to buy her book.
And that, my dear friends, is how Clinton and Colbert managed to murder comedy Tuesday evening: With a forced script, some sucking up and a crummy commercial. Clinton's role in this atrocity is understandable. She has a book to sell and an Image to uphold if she wants to run for president in 2016. But Colbert? He should know better. He's supposed to be a professional. He should be publicly shamed for having staged this regrettable and disgraceful bit of #ReadyForHillary nonsense. If nothing else, he should be stripped of his "comedian" title.
Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh, but you get my drift. Just awful.