A recent printing of the University of Washington student newspaper declares the importance of “orgasm equality” during the holiday season.

“The good news is that orgasm equality is satisfying for all parties involved. After all, it is the season of giving, and what better gift to give (or receive) than an orgasm?” student author Amanda Riggio writes in The Daily.

Unfortunately for the reader, Riggio fails to provide a comprehensible explanation of what exactly constitutes as orgasm equality. It’s difficult to conclude whether or not she is making the argument that certain orgasms are being discriminated against in contrast to others, or if this is just another meaningless ploy to promulgate feminism on campus.

“It’s time we forget about sexual stereotypes and work toward making sex fun for ourselves and our partners,” Riggio asserts. “A truly healthy and worthwhile sex life comes from giving and receiving pleasure from another person, whether that involves an orgasm or not.”

Riggio tells fellow students not to “fake your fantasies” and instead to enjoy sexual intercourse to its fullest extent. She also evokes the phrase, “Ask and you shall receive.”

“We can all benefit from embracing the parts of sex that are purely fun,” Riggio assures. “Trying new things and embracing what each partner truly wants is going to allow for free sexual expression. Expressing our sexual fantasies and venturing out of our comfort zones can be a great way to really get into sex and ultimately achieve orgasm.”

In a time when hookup culture is thriving on campus, it’s surprising that sexual self-satisfaction would need advocacy.

Nevertheless, students are directed to an article that describes “positions to make female orgasm easier during intercourse.” The point of reading this, according to Riggio, is for readers to further achieve their orgasm equality.

“Do not, I repeat, do not silence yourself in the bedroom. If you feel comfortable enough with your partner, which you should, do not be afraid to verbally express your desires to them,” Riggio states. “Just as we speak about other gender equality issues, equality in the bedroom should not go unacknowledged.”

Writing as if she’s a sex therapist, she advises, “If missionary is your cup of tea, sip on it all day long … There’s no shame here, but if you feel like you’ve been sticking to the same positions with no luck, mix it up.”

The student author wants everyone to feel accepted in their sexual desires.

“Sometimes all we’re lacking is the love, appreciation, or attention we need from our partners to get happy between the sheets. Whatever it is that you need to get your kitten purring, make it known,” Riggio concludes.

Isaiah Denby is a college freshman from Tampa Bay, Florida studying economics and political science.