Erica Jacobs: The musical buzz of helicopter parents
By: Erica Jacobs
Examiner Columnist
September 30, 2009
In Fairfax County, parents are not typical of most school districts. They are educated, strategic and know their way around a computer Listserv. That's why I wasn't surprised to discover that two Fairfax County high schools have started their own parent teacher organizations instead of paying dues to the National PTA.
Fairfax County Public Schools parents successfully lobbied the county to change the numerical grading scale so it is more in line with other districts. No more will a 93 be a B+; anything 90 or above will earn an A, just as it should have been all along, according to parents.
Parents are particularly active in good schools. Where I taught in the mid-1980s, only a few of them came to back-to-school night. They were working nights, students told me, or they were too exhausted to go out after a long day's work. Student performance mirrored their lack of involvement.
My second high school, Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology, had back-to-school nights frequented by parents, siblings and the occasional grandparent. Rooms were so packed that standing room was scarce. U.S. News and World Report could rank the nation's top schools by the percentage of parents who come to back-to-school night, and I'm sure TJ would still come in No. 1.
At my final high school, Oakton, I got to know parents well because I was there for 16 years and often taught multiple siblings. When child No. 4 in one family was assigned a different English teacher, the parent called the counselor and said, "I think you've made some mistake. My children always have Dr. Jacobs!"
At the first faculty meeting of the year, there were always irony-tinged comments about parental involvement: "They are helicopters; they are watchdogs. Nothing escapes the Oakton parent. Be prepared for accountability not only to your supervisors, but to much pickier parents!" Teachers were taught to fear parental buzz.
Yet my experience with parents has all been positive, because they only want schools to provide a positive learning environment. My complaints as a parent were always that a teacher or school was allowing my child to fall through the cracks. When that happened, I switched teachers or schools because of that negative treatment.
But when my children were stumbling through no fault of the system, I never complained. I only asked that someone be there to applaud when they were ready to perform. Similarly, parents have never asked me to give their children more than they'd earned; they only wanted flexibility to allow that child a second chance. That's no more than I had asked on behalf of my own children.
I applaud strong parents who have created organizations that will work for them and their children, and I suggest that teachers and administrators begin thinking of parents as allies and not adversaries. At the end of every parent conference, a skilled teacher or counselor will turn a barrage of complaints into a moment of retooling on behalf of the student -- a "changing day," in Dr. Phil lingo, when buzz becomes music. That is all a parent asks. Schools need to realize that teachers and parents are on the same side -- the side of the student.
Erica Jacobs, whose column appears Wednesday, teaches at George Mason University. E-mail her at ejacob1@gmu.edu.
More from Erica Jacobs
- Erica Jacobs: What no teacher can prepare for
- Erica Jacobs: Horace's Hope: My educational journey
- Erica Jacobs: I am Horace: More thoughts on Theodore Sizer's progressive Educational Philosophy
- Erica Jacobs: I Am Horace: How Theodore Sizer nailed what really happens in high school
- Erica Jacobs: When words fail us
