MTV's crusade to recapture coolness is more desperate than one of its dateless eighth-grade viewers before a dance.

The network, beset with years of declining ratings, has stripped its Video Music Awards trophy of a sex, courageously liberating him from the oppressive confines of the antiquated gender binary. As of this year, MTV's "Moonman" trophy, a rainbow-tinted astronaut traditionally bestowed upon the ceremony's winners, has officially transitioned into the "Moon Person" trophy.

"Why should it be a man?" MTV President Chris McCarthy asked The New York Times this week. "It could be a man, it could be a woman, it could be transgender, it could be nonconformist," he argued.

Alternatively, it just could be a trophy. But that's the problem with inanimate objects -- when you ask for their preferred gender pronouns, they almost never answer.

Good on MTV for not imposing gender identity on a helpless trophy, otherwise doomed to a life wasting away behind the glass of Taylor Swift's climate-controlled trophy case, perpetually forced to confront his nagging discomfort with the outmoded concept of masculinity that our society is so insistent upon preserving.

Emily Jashinsky is a commentary writer for the Washington Examiner.