King Obama the First issues warning against “rightwing extremism;” Arrest warrants approved for top 56 terrorists
By: Mark Tapscott
Editorial Page Editor
04/14/09 8:21 AM EDT
King Obama the First has issued a law enforcement warning decree providing loyal citizens with important information about new internal terrorist threats to the peace and contentment of his kingdom. The decree is being circulated now to the authorities by First Minister of Security Janet Napolitano, Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS). Approved media references should note the title of the decree as “Rightwing Extremism: Current Economic and Political Climate is Fueling Resurgence of Radicalization and Recruitment.” For neighborhood and community watches, the key section of the King’s decree is one that describes the essential identifying characteristics of these extremely dangerous new terrorists as “those that are mainly antigovernment, rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority, or rejecting government authority entirely. It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration.”
All loyal citizens are encouraged to be on the lookout for all persons or groups fitting the above description. Do not try to apprehend such persons by yourself, as these terrorists are often armed and extremely dangerous. They often attempt to conceal their true identities and purposes with frequent reference to documents such as the Declaration of Independence or the U.S. Constitution, and books like “The Federalist Papers” and “Democracy in America.” As all loyal citizens know, King Obama the First has been extremely tolerant of those loyal citizens who unfortunately have been fooled by the false and libelous claims of these terrorists about the disappearance of individual liberty. But his majesty’s patience is exhausted with those who act on such archaic ideas by participating in subversive activities such as Tea Party Protests.
To insure the peace and tranquility of his majesty’s realm, his law enforcement officials have been directed to observe and collect information regarding all individuals expressing views consistent with those described above in print, on the Internet or in conversation with loyal citizens. In addition, arrest warrants have been issued for the following 56 individual terrorists. Any loyal citizen with information regarding the whereabouts of these terrorists is directed to report immediately to the nearest law enforcement representative of the King:
Thomas Jefferson, *John Adams, John Hancock, Benjamin Franklin, Robert Morris, George Read, Caesar Rodney, Thomas McKean, George Clymer, John Morton, Benjamin Rush, James Smith, George Ross, James Wilson, George Taylor, Elbridge Gerry, Robert Treat Paine, Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton, Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery, Lewis Morris, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, William Floyd, Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton, Richard Henry Lee, Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton, Benjamin Harrison, George Wythe, Thomas Nelson, Jr., William Hooper, John Penn, Joseph Hewes, Edward Rutledge, Arthur Middleton, Thomas Lynch, Jr., Thomas Heyward, Jr., Abraham Clark, John Hart, Francis Hopkinson, Richard Stockton, John Wilkerson, Samuel Huntington, Roger Sherman, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott, Charles Carroll, Samuel Chase, Thomas Stone, William Paca.
* "But a constitution of government once changed from freedom can never be restored. Liberty once lost is lost forever."
