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Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: Health plan on ice, Obama pushes grocery reform

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
July 31, 2009

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.

His health care plan at least temporarily stymied in Congress, President Obama announced today that he would mount a 27-city tour to promote his new nutrition reform program, dubbed America's Affordable Grocery Choices Act.

With the cost of grocery items skyrocketing, experts say that about 330 million Americans suffer periodic bouts of hunger. Children and the elderly often go for hours between meals.

"America's grocery system is broken," said President Obama, "and the time for reform is now. We can't kick the can down the road, or play political games any longer."

The White House said the president's plan will increase choices and competition, improve the quality of grocery items, share responsibility for grocery bills and protect consumers against waste, fraud and abuse by offering a "Public Option Grocery Store" within five miles of every American home.

"You can still shop at Acme, Kroger, Piggly Wiggly, Stew Leonard's, Weis Markets, Stater Bros., or Price Chopper," the president said, "But who in their right mind would want to do that when Public Option Groceries has a lot of the same stuff at much lower prices? In many cases, Public Option will offer same-week service on commodity items like corn flakes, toilet paper and salt."

Under the terms of the president's reform plan, shoppers who fail to visit their existing private grocery provider during any single calendar week will automatically become Public Option shoppers.

America's Affordable Grocery Choices Act will generate billions of dollars in cost savings, the president said, "and best of all, it pays for itself through an increase in taxes on caviar, shrimp and other luxury items that wealthy people eat."

Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site.

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Reader Comments

All comments on this page are subject to our Terms of Use and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Examiner or its staff. Comment box is limited to 250 words.

UpNorthLurkin

Jul 31, 2009

"...but, this is NOT government run grocery!" Yeah right, is there anything into which "the won" won't try and get his fingers?!
Rock on Scott...or should I say "mock on"?!

boberinyetagain

Jul 31, 2009

Hey, that's not a bad idea! Let's hope the funding for it lasts longer than the one for "clunkers" did...that plan was viable for nearly 6 whole days...until it ran out of cash.
And me too slow, just jealous

gafisher

Jul 31, 2009

"... and other luxury items that wealthy people eat."

Milk, bread, potatoes, apples, bananas. Oh, and beer.

Jul 31, 2009

"Oh, and beer."

Not beer, Gafisher. Obama's got to keep beer prices down for his Rose Garden peace talks...

TopChuck

Jul 31, 2009

JQ: Government employees are exempt!

Jesse A. Raphial

Jul 31, 2009

"share the responsibility of grocery bills"...now that will work...

Jul 31, 2009

How will we fit the hammer and sickle on the Stars and Stripes?

A.W.

Jul 31, 2009

Scott, i love you but...

Don't give the obama people ideas. seriously. they are satire impaired. they are incapable of recognizing when an idea is ludicrous. if they happen upon this column, they might actually say, "wow, what a great idea. let's do it."

StepIntoTheLight

Jul 31, 2009

Is this story for real?

He pushes for a stimulus to boost the economy, and that has failed miserably. Next, he pushes for government omnibus spending, which adds even more money to the federal deficit spending and our national debt. Next it became all about healthcare reform, which was already doomed from the start.

Seems to me the only thing this Administration is good at is talking about change, and failing at every opportunity they have had so far...

Do we really need the government telling us who, what, where, when, why, and how we can purchase groceries? This is completely insane government control.

olainfree

Jul 31, 2009

If we're not vigilant, we may have to begin working on collectivist farms, as well.

StargazerInSavannah

Aug 3, 2009

This, like every other government program will destroy more of our freedom and increase our cost of living.
Every 'protection' provided by government reduces our freedom and liberties!
Conservative adminstations tend to make fewer attacks on our liberties than Liberal/Progressives do.
"Beware of Politicians bearing gifts" This is another Trojan Horse.

WiseBeyondBelief

Aug 8, 2009

I think we all need to understand that "satire" is code for those moments when Scott "sat" down and wrote some insightful comments to express his inner "ire". Anyone disagree?

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Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: Health plan on ice, Obama pushes grocery reform

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
July 31, 2009