Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: Obama girls get H1N1 shot, but still exhaling CO2
By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
October 30, 2009
News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.
After a week of national angst over Barack and Michelle Obama's delayed vaccination of their daughters against the H1N1 virus, Americans let out a collective sigh of relief at news that the girls finally got the shot. However, an unnamed top White House official said today that the danger has not completely passed, because the girls continue to exhale climate-changing carbon dioxide.
"A lot of people thought the president was a hypocrite for hyping the urgency of swine flu without inoculating the girls," the unnamed official said. "But, as everyone knows, the threat posed by global warming is much greater, and yet Obama has taken no action to remediate the toxic fumes that spew intermittently from his offspring, his wife and even from Bo, his Portuguese water dog."
The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he "prefers employment to the alternative," said Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel and Senior Adviser David Axelrod have been crafting a strategy to explain why the president's own family manufactures a gas that will be severely restricted after Obama signs the Copenhagen Climate Change Treaty in December.
Historically, the nation has looked to its first ladies, learning to say "no" to drugs from Nancy Reagan and how to read from Laura Bush, but Michelle Obama's failure to treat the deadly emissions escaping from her own children raises questions about both her compassion and her readiness to serve in the nation's top domestic post.
Axelrod and Emanuel have purportedly floated the notion that the Obamas could buy carbon credits from a family with no children, thus avoiding the need to employ more extreme measures like filter bags, or imposing an alternate-day breathing schedule.
Examiner Columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world's leading family-friendly news satire source.
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