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Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: Obama marks birthday with Kenya statehood declaration

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
August 4, 2009

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.

President Barack Obama today celebrated his 48th birthday with a retroactive declaration of statehood for Kenya, his father's homeland and the nation where some skeptics say he was born on August 4, 1961.

Conspiracy theorists, collectively called 'birthers' by those who trust the president's version of events, say Obama has refused to release his official birth certificate, so no one can be sure that he's a 'natural born' U.S. citizen, or even that he's at least 35 years old and, therefore, Constitutionally qualified for the office.

By declaring Kenya a U.S. state retroactive to July 1961, the president said he hoped to "put an end to fruitless speculation about my citizenship, which should -- by the way -- be a private matter between a woman and her obstetrician, or village midwife as the case may be."

Obama added: "We need to get the nation's focus back on the worst economy since the Great Depression, the 46 million uninsured Americans, and the global warming crisis that threatens our coastal cities with a briny death. More people believe in that stuff than will ever believe that I was born in Mombasa. I was elected to bring about change you can believe in."

As a citizen of either the 50th or the 51st state, Obama's eligibility for office is now unquestioned. For their part, citizens of Kenya will soon qualify for U.S. government-run health care, as well as a program designed to reduce greenhouse gasses by allowing people to trade in old chickens for more modern, efficient poultry -- a pilot project dubbed 'cash for cluckers'.

Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site.

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Reader Comments

All comments on this page are subject to our Terms of Use and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Examiner or its staff. Comment box is limited to 250 words.

Upnorthlurkin

Aug 4, 2009

Okay, how many commenters won't recognize your brilliance as satire?! Do we all qualify for cash for cluckers or is there yet another special interest group being rewarded for their votes here?! (I have a couple of the freezer burned variety I'd willingly trade for something edible!)

Maggie

Aug 4, 2009

UpNorth,
I have a freezer burned beef roast.
Will trade "cash for Chuckers".

gafisher

Aug 4, 2009

"... citizens of Kenya will soon qualify for U.S. government-run health care ..."

For all practical purposes they already did -- remember Aunt Zeituni (currently living at our expense in Boston).

Aug 4, 2009

I am proud to be an American, in a country with such diversity, that for our president, we hire a Kenyan (arguably with dual citizenship), half white, half black, who is both Muslim and Christian.

Captain Steve

Aug 4, 2009

It's no surprise that Hillary Clinton is in Kenya today to reinforce the cover-up.

I don't trust ANY politician and almost no one in the media. I still want answers. Obummer, put up or get out!!!! All he has to do is make the following official public statement,

"I Barack Obama authorize the State of Hawaii to release and make public all of my records on file."

That's it. Issue over. But he won't because he's a fraud!! Obama knows that millions of citizens want to see it yet he continues to hide it. What/why is he hiding? and most disturbingly, why don't BHO's supporters want to know the whole truth, especially since there's a reward of $100,000 for proof that Obama is a "natural born" citizen of the United States.

OBAMA, STOP HIDING. SHOW US THE LONG FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND YOUR OTHER RECORDS!!!!!

andylevinson

Aug 4, 2009

First president to have his birth certificate sealed and hidden by the state of hawaii.....

gofer

Aug 4, 2009

It would be considered insane for a defendant, in a court case, to spend big bucks to keep information hidden that would totally clear him. And yet, that describes what Obama is doing.

How can anybody accuse people of conspiracy when all that is going on is a request for verifying evidence??? The conspiracy is on the opposite side, not the so-called "birthers".

papanick

Aug 4, 2009

Why is it that everytime I hear the Name Obama I feel like hurling into the Oval Office waste can.
nicky j/ angus the scot

Battleforce

Aug 5, 2009

300 Million Americans, 46 of which are uninsured, of those 46 Million, over half are Illegal Immigrants, about 20 % do not want insurance, leaving about 8 Million Uninsured. And Obama wants to revamp the whole system forcing everyone to pay for them and the Illegals. There is no common sense in even considering any Health Care Reform or "Government Insurance" as they want to call it now.
As for the Long Form B/C, spend the $10 bucks and end the controversy.

W C

Aug 20, 2009

Since when have we had 51 states? There is no question that his father was Kenyan born which makes him ineligible to be the president of the United States since BOTH parents must be US born in country citizens.

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Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: Obama marks birthday with Kenya statehood declaration

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
August 4, 2009