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Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: Obama plan creates 'Public Option' malpractice law firm

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
August 18, 2009

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.

With multimillion-dollar jury awards in medical malpractice suits driving up the cost of liability insurance for physicians -- and thus the cost of health care to consumers -- President Barack Obama today backed a health care malpractice reform plan that would create a "public option" law firm to sue doctors for "reasonable" damages.

"We need to keep these ambulance-chasers honest," Obama said. "These sharks are becoming obscenely wealthy by tugging the heartstrings of compassionate jurors, who then grant ridiculous damage awards for pain and suffering, which makes malpractice insurance rates skyrocket and jacks the price of health care for everyone."

The president said, "No one knows better than the U.S. Congress how desperately we need a public option malpractice firm to boost choice and competition. Most members are either lawyers like me, or got elected by befriending lawyers who became major campaign contributors. I'm sure they'll be receptive to my plan because they have that rare combination of being public servants who are committed to equal justice under law."

The public option medical malpractice firm will sue a doctors for actual damages and expenses, and a 10 percent fee to cover the cost of preparing the case.

"By having one group of lawyers in the land who act with unquestioned integrity," said the president, "we'll force the private-sector bloodsuckers to drastically reduce their fees."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calf., and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., released a joint statement hailing the president's proposal, and noting that "every private enterprise in America would benefit from a public option alternative, and we're confident attorneys will embrace the personal sacrifice."

Examiner Columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world's leading family-friendly news satire source.




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Reader Comments

All comments on this page are subject to our Terms of Use and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Examiner or its staff. Comment box is limited to 250 words.

olainfree

Aug 18, 2009

Even more fitting would be the requirement that U.S. Congress members carry liability insurance with exhorbitant, career-damaging rates to cover the harm that their poisonous legislation does to the American people. In a twist of the old adage, the lawmakers' bills were a success, but the nation died.

 

FreeStateYank

Aug 18, 2009

olainfree, I like the idea of Congressional liability insurance, but how about a warranty instead? Congress critters break their promises and vote in ways contrary to the philosophy they 'sold' to their constituents, then a 'replacement' model gets put into their place?

Scrappleface: Really appreciate your wit illustrating the issue of tort reform, but you really are stretching the bounds of satire to even suggest Obama would seek ethically sound attorneys or even know where to find some! Sadly, there isn't much selection in the Friends of Bamwow crowd.

 

gafisher

Aug 18, 2009

FreeStateYank Re: "... seek ethically sound attorneys or even know where to find some!"

Fortunately Obama's got an inside track on that. He knows who to ask about the list tucked in with the Rose Law Firm records.

 

JamesonLewis3rd

Aug 18, 2009

Another layer of bureaucracy never hurt anybody---don't be so paranoid---especially when The Ministry of Truth looms overhead, telling you what you need to hear.

 

Magician

Aug 18, 2009

Medical tort law needs an overhaul.

No more contingent fees. Plaintiff pays defendant's expenses if he loses. Limit pain and suffering awards.

Obama will never attend to this because the tort lawyers are big Democrat contributors.

With Obama it's just as he says: "Words, just words."

 

Possumtrot

Aug 20, 2009

Will Obama name father-of-the-year John Edwards to head this new law firm? He, after all, knows more about "ridiculous damage awards for pain and suffering, which makes malpractice insurance rates skyrocket and jack[ing] the price of health care for everyone" than anyone else.

 

Ugh

Aug 23, 2009

Why should government lawyers get 10% of awards? They should get government salaries, low ones at that, and nothing more. Their salaries should be limited as doctor's fees will be.

 

John David Galt

Aug 29, 2009

If socializing medicine will get us all better service for less (yeah, right!) then why not do the same for law?

Just beware of rationing. *Someone* will have to decide which cases are too frivolous to deserve representation -- and good luck suing that decider if he/she/they unfairly refuse you coverage!

 


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