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Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: Obama will urge kids to go to private school

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
September 4, 2009

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.

A draft copy of President Barack Obama's planned September 8 address to America's public school children, tells students that "If you want to grow up to be like me, you should beg your parents to put you in private school, right now."

Although Obama attended public school in Indonesia early in life, he soon switched to a private Catholic school, and from fifth grade through graduation went to a private college-prep school in Hawaii. His own daughters now attend a private school in Washington D.C..

"Do you think you're going to get into Harvard University with your one-size-fits-all public school diploma?" the president will reportedly say. "Come on! Don't make me laugh. You'll be lucky to survive through graduation. Seriously, you gotta get out of this mediocrity machine. Go ahead! Get up right now. Run for the door. What are you waiting for?"

While the White House would not confirm the content of the leaked speech draft, a spokesman acknowledged that "You don't get to be as smart and cool as Barack Obama by sitting in P.S. 152, listening to some union lackey droning on, and then eating government surplus in the cafeteria."

On Tuesday, the president will bypass parents, taking his message directly to kids in the classroom "in hopes that you'll pester Mom until she gets a second job to pay private-school tuition so you can escape the swirling vortex of ignorance and despair that is our government-run school system."

"The only thing standing between you and success," the president will allegedly say, "is the mentality that the government will take care of you. Once you shake that, there's no limit to your achievement. Pay any price. Bear any burden. Just get your fanny out of that fiberglass chair, go buy yourself an Oxford shirt, a pair of slacks and a clip-on tie, and go to a place that faces constant economic pressure to improve."

Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world's leading family-friendly news satire source.

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Reader Comments

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JamesonLewis3rd

Sep 4, 2009

It really doesn't matter what he says.
BHO's motivation is to set himself up as the Collective Parent (a la [place a dictator's name here]).

David Madeira

Sep 4, 2009

Nobody frames the issues better that The Big O - Scott Ott that is!

pgrossjr

Sep 4, 2009

As always, funny while concisely getting to the point. Although it has become too easy to parody this administration.

FreeRangeOyster

Sep 4, 2009

pgrossjr: On the contrary, it has become a challenge to produce satire that is more ridiculous than the things actually happening in Washington these days. Kudos to you, Mr. Ott for rising to the hilarious and daunting challenge.

Marv

Sep 4, 2009

Marv,

Check this out from Scott Ott!

Lee

Choose Deism

Sep 4, 2009

Private School: The best place to get brainwashed by the cult of "Revelationists"

Reason and Logic will prevail

greg

Sep 4, 2009

Of all the stupid arguments made this is by far the stupidist. The most violent opposition isn't directed at his ideas. It is directed at a Harvard-educated black guy is in the white House, so they will beat him on any issue where they see him as being most vulnerable. Just look at these crackers at clown hall meetings. Reminds me again of the vile rhetoric we've seen on display at an event in Austin, TX the other day. The protesters had Larry Kilgore, a “Christian activist” and candidate for governor who has endorsed executions for homosexuals yelling “I hate that flag up there" and “We hate the United States!" Not to mention the Birthers mess. Oh, no, this is nothing but pure hatred and racism. This is the base of the Republican Party.

Upnorthlurkin

Sep 4, 2009

Oh Scott, I'm sad to see this site attracts the Soros funded O-Bots too...
Your talent and humor is appreciated by those of us intelligent enough to realize it's God gifted and (wait for it...) it's SATIRE! (Sorry for yelling>)

RAM

Sep 4, 2009

"You don't get to be as smart and cool as Barack Obama by sitting in P.S. 152, listening to some union lackey droning on, and then eating government surplus in the cafeteria." He could have added: "You will NEVER get ahead by listening to some "empty suit" President, whose policies have not worked, and will most likely make any schooling your generation attains useless as there will be no jobs for any of you in the future thanks to this President."

RAM

Sep 4, 2009

MOST parents would like to send their children to, "other than a public school", but the libs, (including Obama), keep blocking a voucher program, EVEN though the "liberal bastion of Washington D.C. residents" OVERWHELMINGLY want that program!

goss

Sep 4, 2009

Dearest RAM

There are plenty of jobs for those who have college degrees. The 'union lackey' will help your child on that path if you do your job as a parent and instill work ethic into them.

LLinLa

Sep 4, 2009

Proposition: Mr. President, you may raise your two beautiful girls anyway you see fit. It looks like you and Michelle are doing just fine. Worship is understandable . . . for them. But our children will worship what WE teach them to worship and it shouldn't be any man . . . unless, of course, he has real holes in his hands . . .

s. valenti

Sep 6, 2009

This almost makes me want to watch Obama's speech. I'd replay this column in my head while listening. He's so unauthentic.

RAM

Sep 6, 2009

Dearest goss

Too bad you weren't born 80 years sooner. Then you could have told that to all the people in FDR's soup lines.

A lot of college grads were in those lines too!

While there may still be jobs NOW, with Obama running the show, the Great Depresssion may have to change it's name to the "Smaller Depression" before he is done!

Mister Jones

Sep 6, 2009

Clinton sent his kid to private school. Obama sends his kids to private school. Every Hollywood liberal sends their kids to private school. Typical hypocrites.

Sep 6, 2009

"The only thing standing between you and success," the president will allegedly say, "is the mentality that the government will take care of you. Once you shake that, there's no limit to your achievement. "
And yet people want that same government to "run" our healthcare system?? Please think before they act!

Jive Dadson

Sep 6, 2009

Hooray for Obama! And I figured he would just pose in a stately manner surrounded by flags and indoctrinate the children to the effect that public schooling is not, at best, a huge waste of time. Finally, change we can believe in.

Jive Dadson

Sep 6, 2009

Race card alert! Race card alert!

Carol

Sep 6, 2009

Love the "Obama Will Give you $2500 to Go to School" ad in the sidebar!

Colleen

Sep 6, 2009

Govment Edukated
Govment Medikated

Double check the few facts

Sep 7, 2009

Barack Obama's first school was the public school Noelani Elemetary School in Honolulu for kindergarten. Then he went to Catholic school in Jakarta and AFTER Catholic school, went to public school and then the private Punahou in Honolulu which was founded by Protestant missionaries in 1848.

otis redding lives (or should)

Sep 7, 2009

Did he go to school using the name "Barak" or "Barry?"
None of these whiners has a sense of humor, only a sense of self-importance (like SENATOR Boxer and Nancy P Mousemeat).
Wah wah wah.

Liberal Texan

Sep 7, 2009

Seriously, too many of my neighbors will believe this is true. Please quite using evolved communication skills like sarcasm.

;-)

Wealthy

Sep 7, 2009

OH！！Nice？？I found a more interesting place ~~~~~~MyWealthyLove.com~~~~~~where you can meet lots of wealthy people and find your ideal match…What are u waiting for? Go there right now!! LOL…….

Inadvisable

Sep 8, 2009

OTOH, If You Send Your Kids to Private School, They Might Turn Out Like the Bushes. You Pay Your Money and You Take Your Chances.

Sorry, but I don’t see a contradiction in having attended private schools and urging those who attend public schools (as I did and my children do) to strive for academic excellence. You should urged to do well in school, whether it be public or private. Isn’t that right, George Bush?

Tommy D

Sep 9, 2009

The same president that stopped the voucher system which helped the inner city children have a chance to go to private school is now saying get out of public school. If I was one of the kids hoping to get into the voucher program I'd say thanks a lot @!#hole.

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Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: Obama will urge kids to go to private school

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
September 4, 2009