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Scott Ott's Examiner Scrappleface: U.S. mulls 'sanction fence' for Iran

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
September 29, 2009

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.

President Obama, faced with the nearly impossible task of enforcing sanctions against Iran to curb its nuclear ambitions, will reportedly propose construction of a 'sanction fence' -- a 20-foot high chain-link barrier topped with coils of razor wire -- to completely surround the Islamic Republic.

Iran borders the Caspian Sea, Persian Gulf and Gulf of Oman, as well as Iraq, Turkey, Azerbaijan, Turkmenistan, Afghanistan and Pakistan, providing innumerable trade routes for clandestine shipments that would violate any internationally-imposed restrictions.

"A physical barrier is Obama's only option," according to a White House insider who spoke on the condition of anonymity in order to avoid prosecution for treason. "There are simply too many nations that would welcome Iran's petro-dollars to make sanctions an effective diplomatic tool. To isolate Ahmadinejad, we literally have to fence him off from the global community."

While construction of the sea-based fencing in international waters poses some engineering challenges, the president reportedly sees it as a better option than covertly aiding democratic revolutionaries within Iran, or striking its nuclear facilities.

Much of the material for the project will come from surplus fencing storage depots near the U.S.-Mexico border, supplies that "we weren't going to use anyway," the source said.

"Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will know we mean business," the unnamed official added, "when he's peering through the chain links, scanning the horizon for his next shipment of yellow cake and realizing that there's no possible way to get it into his country. That's what it's going to take to bring him to the table to talk about verifiable reductions in future Iranian nukes."

Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world's leading family-friendly news satire source.




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Reader Comments

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gafisher

Sep 29, 2009

The New World Order has no need for fences! What's required is nets!

We must begin organizing Midnight Basketball throughout the mideast if we want to address the real problem.

 

JamesonLewis3rd

Sep 29, 2009

Tearfully ".....peering through the chain links....." at the unattainable and flat soccer ball that had ricocheted off his nose, bounced on the glistening razor wire and then landed with a forlorn splat 10 meters away.

 


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