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Scappleface: DHS to release left-wing group report via Twitter

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
April 17, 2009

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher

After the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) sparked a firestorm of protest from right-wing extremists over a nine-page report on the "resurgence in radicalization and recruitment" among right-wing extremist groups, DHS chief Janet Napolitano announced today that her department would soon release a similar report on leftist groups via Twitter.

The 'Rightwing Extremism' report warned that the current economic crisis, and the election of a black president, could inspire returning war veterans and others to join violent groups plotting against their own nation.

Twitter, a social networking site, allows users to post messages -- called tweets -- of up to 140 characters, including spaces, punctuation and misspellings.

Napolitano said the Obama administration always seeks balance, but explained that "given the relative dearth of left-wing extremism in the U.S., we figure we'll be able to post an in-depth analysis tweet, and still have characters to spare."

"I think it's fair to say that, for all practical purposes, there really are no left-wing extremists," said Napolitano. "Every time we get a report on a such a group, and we investigate, we find that they're just regular folks who believe the same things that I do, that the president does...Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi...these people are right down the middle."

The Homeland Security Secretary said the report to be issued on Twitter would be called "Mainstreamists: Just Going with the Flow."

Meanwhile, Napolitano said she would meet with veterans to apologize for what many saw as a disparaging characterization in the report on right-wing extremists.

"I would say that I'm sorry if some of our deeply-troubled war vets misunderstood our report because of their limited education," Ms. Napolitano said. "After all, they joined the military because they had no other options. We at Homeland Security should be sensitive to folks who didn't have the benefit of a liberal arts education, or the kind of wisdom that comes from high-level policy meetings in Washington D.C.."

Examiner Columnist Scott Ott is editor-in-chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world's leading family-friendly news satire source.

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Aaron Gardner

Apr 17, 2009

Awesome snark...well done!!

David Hinz

Apr 17, 2009

Good humor has a spark of truth in it. This is so good it is believable!

Mary White

Apr 17, 2009

Ooo. The truth hurts! I'm going to start referring to our DHS Secretary as "Tweety Bird" - "I tawt I taw a pooty tat! (also known paranoid)"

JamesonLewis3rd

Apr 17, 2009

Napolitano is of the same species as Pelosi (whatever exactly that may be); you can tell by the soullessness of their gaze.

mindknumbed kid

Apr 17, 2009

"Homeland Security should be sensitive to folks who didn't have the benefit of a liberal arts education, or the kind of wisdom that comes from high-level policy meetings in Washington D.C.." From what I have been able to glean, those who have had access to those things are rather... well, umm...mind-numbed.

BFC Cpl Jack

Apr 18, 2009

We all know where the left-wing extremist are. They ARE the government!!! In fact, many have declined to pay large tax bills just so they could achieve their exalted positions of "civic service". Most if not all have never served their country by ever having spent so-much-as a day in any capacity in one of the branches of the Armed Forces, now euphemistically and collectively referred as the "Military". Like we are not supposed to know that they have guns that they can shoot and kill people with. Tsk, tsk. The above does except Ted "the swimmer" Kennedy who, I believe sat out the "JFK & LBJ War" in the seedy bistros of Paris while he was pursuing a "piece" for the night. Or any other extent of time that suited his fancy at the moment.

BFC Cpl Jack

Apr 18, 2009

Oh goody, I get to correct my own mistake! before I get attacked by any "Dim" sympathizer who may have stumbled across my previous entry. According to NNDB Ted did not sit out the "JFK & LBJ War" in Paris. He sat that one out in his brother's senate seat while he worked on his seniority to become the "Senator from Chappaquiddick". During one of his two expulsions from Harvard (for cheating both times) Ted actually served as a private in the U. S. Army 1951-1953, so it was really the "HST War" that he failed to attend in any meaningful way, other than to occupy a billet where some more deserving individual would have found safe haven. But, Hey he's a Kennedy it's not like Papa Joe didn't have enough little B's whose mothers were never able to gain their "proper" protection. All of which brings me to appreciate the enormous debt of gratitude that this entire country owes to Mary Jo.

Christine

Apr 19, 2009

No left wing extremists! thank you for the news flash. What do I call the people who won't tolerate the armed forces recruiting in their communites? those who tell illegal immigrantshow and and why they should cheat on applications for federal and state tax moeny's at our local community college right in front of the students who actually have lived here all their lives? What do I call those who register fake people or dead people as voters so they can register for the left?

Gary

Apr 20, 2009

>> "What do I call the people who ... [long list of leftist policies]" That's easy, Christine! You call them "Democrats."

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Scappleface: DHS to release left-wing group report via Twitter

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
April 17, 2009