Scott Ott

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Embryonic stem cell study promises cure for global warming

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
March 10, 2009

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher

Hailing a new era "when science is restored to the proper side of the political aisle," President Barack Obama on Monday promised miraculous cures for a wide range of ailments when he signed an executive order expanding the scope of Bush-era federal funding for embryonic stem cell research.

As he directed more tax dollars to such studies, the president said stem cells from embryos could be at the forefront of the battle against man-made global warming.

"Every human embryo in the hands of a scientist means one less potential source of carbon dioxide emissions," Obama said, "And because stem cell research could take decades to produce any useful result, it promises to remove millions of humanoid exhalers from the toxic CO2 stream. This could produce an even greater net benefit to our climate than abortion does."

The president explained that such research is important to his administration for two reasons...

1) "Because stem cells become what ever you need them to be, and so we Democrats feel a real sense of kinship with them, and,

2) Stem cells also offer hope that one day, when [Vice President] Joe Biden tells a paralyzed man to "stand up, Chuck"...he might actually do it."

Meanwhile House Minority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, said he, too, is hopeful that stem cell research will "halt the plague of global warming."

"If we can replace the defective brain cells that cause people to embrace assumptions first, then race to formulate supporting theories regardless of the evidence," Rep. Boehner said, "perhaps we can bequeath to our grandchildren a world in which no one will ever again stand outside in a blizzard during a decades-long cooling trend, and worry that the melting polar ice caps will flood Manhattan."

Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site, and anchor of ScrappleFace Network News (SNN), seen on YouTube.

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R.A.M.

Mar 10, 2009

"All hail Obama!" Curer of America's ills, both economic and physical! That is if you buy into the lib "Obama-bot's" ignorant hype! lol

R.A.M.

Mar 10, 2009

I will wait for the day when "messiah obama" can "heal" lib Demo-rats from spending our tax dollars like drunken Kennedy's, (bet you thought I was going to say Sailors, didn't you?), before I believe in him because, THAT FEAT, would be a miracle!

One VA Patriot

Mar 10, 2009

Scott, you may have more insight into the thinking of this administration than anyone else I've read. Keep up the great work.

Mar 10, 2009

With their overweening hubris, Obama and his vacuous mouthpiece Pelosi devalue language accuracy, science, and human life. It is breathtaking (literally) to grasp how much they believe that throwing tax payer dollars at creating utopias, "brave new worlds," is their mandate. The cult of personality believes its own propaganda in the destruction of life and in the limiting of carbon-based life as a means to power. This pride is worth no more than a pile of spent cinders.

Obama Dollars

Mar 10, 2009

Hey, this article seems to be sarcastic... I'll have you know that the Swiss have been using embryonic stem cells for hundreds of years to create miniaturized humans. However, the National Organization of Women has recently come out against this practice, and gone one step further in saying that these "micro-people" should be aborted. So, there's still hope.

I do appreciate the mantra

Mar 10, 2009

"News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher"

sam

Mar 10, 2009

well done

Hawkeye

Mar 10, 2009

Two great reasons why stem cell research is important... LOL!

R.A.M.

Mar 10, 2009

If these stem cell things really work, maybe they can use them to fix the damaged brains of the libs? "I'm just sayin'"

the dilemma

Mar 10, 2009

When a woman has problems getting pregnant, some elect in vitro fertilization. The result is more than one embryo is produced. The couple or the single parent face a dilemma-what to do with the unused embryo? Some elect to "discard" them or in other words, destroy them. If the embryo is going to be destroyed, should the stem cells be harvested?

Remember

Mar 10, 2009

the debates on recombinant DNA?

Harvest them

Mar 10, 2009

Infertility clinics report that they lose contact with about 15% to 25% of families with frozen embryos. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine's guidelines, a clinic can consider embryos abandoned and dispose of them if five years have passed without contact with the couple and if significant efforts have been made to reach the couple. If these cells can help, they should be harvested.

scubaredneck

Mar 10, 2009

To "the dilemma" and "Harvest them" While your argument seems to make sense from a strictly utilitarian perspective, the history of euthenasia as practiced in Europe is instructive. It began as, "these folks are gonna die anyway so let's just keep them from suffering" to "gosh, these folks are kinda sick and other folks need these beds so let's just knock them off and make room." What may begin as "they're gonna be destroyed anyway so let's harvest them" will become "they're there so let's harvest them" and to "let's make them so we can harvest them." Surely not, you say. And yet members of Congress are already talking about repealing Dickey-Wicker.

Curt in the desert

Mar 10, 2009

A better idea.. Why not ask every human in the world to hold their breath for 10 minutes? Faster and it cuts CO2 exhaled by 100%.

Solomon

Mar 10, 2009

We can look at a fetus and infer feelings from its movement and nerve impulses, but they cannot speak. So, we must speak for them! If they could speak, they would ask live. Let them live! These embryos don't even have nerve cells! So, we must feel for them! If they could feel, they would ask to be given a richer nutrient broth. Give them a richer nutrient broth!

Big D from Boston

Mar 11, 2009

This would have been a funny piece if one could reasonably equate scientific research using unfertilized embryo's to abortion. This kind of fallacious thinking leads down the path to Idiocracy. Have a nice journey.

Big D from Boston

Mar 11, 2009

Correction: I said unfertilized in error, I meant in vitro as opposed in utero. IE there is a difference when the cell is fertilized in a petri dish, with no intent to produce a baby.

Drumthwacket

Mar 11, 2009

Indeed Big D from Boston, there is a difference when the cell is fertilized in a petri dish, with no intent to produce a baby; and it is pretty much the same difference as when the cell is fertilized in utero with no intent to produce a baby. That difference is call a "social construct". It provides you the power to terminate the life of another human being without social or legal consequence. It is power to kill another person that you would not have if you were not enabled to do so by such a social construct.

mcdanieldorkdoof

Mar 11, 2009

here here R.A.M. Obama's gonna pay our mortages, and give us health care, and get rid of those naughty guns too

Younger Now

Mar 12, 2009

For a good discussion on the dilemma, check out www.southernappeal.org

question

Mar 12, 2009

This is the same argument, or close to it, as abortion. The killing of human life or as some put it "playing God". I hope the same people abhor the killing of humans in any context. That means they should also be anti to wars and the death penalty too. Do not judge lest ye be judged.

Edward L. Peffer

Mar 15, 2009

Pres. Obama is no scientist, and is unaware that "embryonic" refers to tiny human life potentials. As a national socialist, he treats stem cells as Nazis regarded Jewish human life.

singular

Mar 18, 2009

You guys trying to compete with The Onion for false yet funny reporting? Or are you just liars?

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Embryonic stem cell study promises cure for global warming

By: Scott Ott
Examiner Columnist
March 10, 2009