Card carrying idiot

A Colorado waitress who had her identity stolen was handed her own ID by a customer who tried to use it to buy alcoholic beverages.

Brianna Piddy, an Applebee's server who had incurred hundreds of dollars in loss from her stolen identity, kept her cool. She smiled and handed the driver's license back to the woman, then called police.

Lakewood police arrived in minutes, recovered the stolen ID, plus illegal drugs.

"Dumb criminal. That's the first [word] that comes to mind," police spokesman Steve Davis told KSDK-TV.

Even dumber: The suspect was 26, old enough to buy alcohol with her own ID.

No laughing matter

A New York man was slapped with two summonses for laughing too hard.

Robert Schiavelli, 42, was charged with acting "in such a manner as to annoy, disturb, interfere with, obstruct, or be offensive to others."

Schiavelli tells the New York Post that his neighbor taunts him because he suffers seizures and neurological impairments, and he deals with it by laughing him off.

At his arraignment, a judge declined to dismiss the charges.

... and your little dog, too!

An Oregon man attacked a gay couple with a wrench, apparently, because they had dyed their poodle bright pink.

"He was saying, 'Your poodle is a weird color and that's just un-American,' " and cursing and using gay slurs, said victim Jeremy Mark to KPTV in Portland.

The man swung a wrench at one of the men, then jumped into his SUV and sped away. But not before witnesses took down his license plate number.

-- Scott McCabe