Objection! Too much controversy.
Michael Jackson's family want to haul Prince into court -- but not to settle once and for all whether the King of Pop was the greater of the onetime rivals, as their monikers imply.
MJ's mom, Katherine Jackson, and his three kids (two of whom are named Prince) are suing concert promoter AEG for its allegedly negligent hiring and supervision of Dr. Conrad Murray, Michael's doc at the time of his death. The fam must not have heard Prince's hit "Money Don't Matter 2 Night" -- they're seeking $40 billion in damages. No word on whether they'll settle for diamonds and pearls (we'll stop soon, we swear), but they plan to call more nearly 100 witnesses -- including His Purple Majesty.
Turns out Prince may have had a bad experience with AEG in the past, and Katherine is hoping he can create some "Chaos and Disorder" in the court.
TMZ, imagining Prince on the witness stand, put it best: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."
Lend me your ear -- and womb
Just in time for Easter, a heartwarming tale of estrus.
"I don't ovulate, and now my uterus lining isn't thick enough and I have to take pills to make my uterus lining thicker," Khloe Kardashian reveals to her husband, LA Clippers star and world-class chump Lamar Odom, on the latest episode of "Kourtney & Kim Take Miami." "If that doesn't get thicker, then I cannot carry a baby," the 28-year-old is allowed to continue, even though she's neither Kourtney nor Kim.
Luckily, thin uteruses don't run in the family, and when we thick of thick uteruses, our minds go straight to Kourtney Kardashian. Big Sis, 33, is the mother of two, and wants permission from her boyfriend, or partner, or impregnator, or whatever, Scott Disick, to act as a surrogate for Khloe.
Apparently Deez-ick isn't familiar with the concept. "You're telling me you want to get pregnant, carry a child and give it to Khloe?" he asks. Right, surrogacy means giving your kid away.
"You don't just go putting babies in other sisters because you can," Scott chides her. Someone get these lyrics to Dolly Parton for a "Jolene" sequel. Scott then shouts, "This is not a normal conversation to come home with! It's too much for me. This is freaking me out!"
Just wait till he hears about adoption.
You can't touch his monkey -- it's behind bars. Justin Bieber's new pet has been quarantined in Germany because JB doesn't have papers for him.
Mamie Gummer is heading to the Big D and we don't mean "Emily Owens, M.D." Meryl Streep's daughter is divorcing fellow actor Ben Walker.
Paul Anka writes in his new memoir that the Rat Pack considered Angie Dickinson the best in bed, and that Sammy Davis Jr. told him he was bisexual.
"She wanted an apology, so I took an ad out on her ass. I said, 'You are not fat.' And then I had room for a lot of other ads."
- Joan Rivers, to the Huffington Post, refusing to back down after calling Adele fat on "The Late Show With David Letterman." On the Feb. 26 episode, the 79-year-old comedian talked about meeting the 24-year-old singer at the Academy Awards. "She was very scared because she was singing at the awards. She kept saying, 'My throat, my throat -- I don't know if I can swallow,' " Joan told David. "And I said, 'Oh, yeah! You can swallow.' "
What the Stars Are Tweeting
"Happy Easter! Lets reschedule the preachy talk about a sugar and gluten free diets until after the jelly bean gorging. #gluttonforgluten"
- @itsJulieBowen ("Modern Family" star Julie Bowen)
THE BUZZ ON 'DWTS'
The folks on "Dancing With the Stars" have no respect for our predictions. Darling Dorothy Hamill, who we had getting second despite being the oldest competitor at age 56, withdrew due to injury, and our pick to be eliminated first, D.L. Hughley, wasn't even in the bottom two. Watch out, Vicious Victor -- you're about to be KO'ed.
11. Boxer Victor Ortiz and Lindsay Arnold
10. Comedian D.L. Hughley and Cheryl Burke
6. "Real Housewife" Lisa Vanderpump and Gleb Savchenko
9. Comedian Andy Dick and Sharna Burgess
8. Soap star Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson
7. Country singer Wynonna Judd and Tony Dovolani
5. Disney Channel star Zendaya Coleman and Valentin Chmerkovskiy
4. "The Bachelor" Sean Lowe and Peta Murgatroyd
3. Gymnast Aly Raisman and Mark Ballas
2. Wide receiver Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff
1. Country singer Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough
Happy birthday for April 1:
Singer Hillary Scott of Lady Antebellum is 27.
Actor Matt Lanter ("90210") is 30.
Filmmakers Albert and Allen Hughes ("Menace II Society," "Dead Presidents") are 41.
MSNBC host Rachel Maddow is 40.
Actor Sam Huntington ("Superman Returns," "Jungle 2 Jungle") is 31.
Rapper-actor Method Man is 42.
Actress Jessica Collins ("The Young and the Restless") is 42.
Country singer Woody Lee is 45.
Actress Annette O'Toole is 61.
Keyboardist Billy Currie of Ultravox is 63.
Reggae singer Jimmy Cliff is 65.
Singer Rudolph Isley of the Isley Brothers is 74.
Actress Ali MacGraw is 75.
Actor Don Hastings ("As the World Turns") is 79.
Country singer Jim Ed Brown is 79.
Actress Debbie Reynolds is 81.