It’s graduation season. And that means there is much blather being blabbed about how to get along in the world. Personally, I’ve long wondered what college is about these days if our institutions of higher learning wait until they are handing out the old sheepskins to bring up such subjects as how to be successful, how to be virtuous, and how to keep those two imperatives from colliding too catastrophically.

There are two ways to begin a commencement address according to the bylaws of the American Association for Convocation Oratory. The first is to talk about how one was thinking about what one would say and wondering how to rise to the occasion, stumped at how to say something meaningful and touching. This first way is so much tedious throat-clearing, a dog’s breakfast of filler and byproducts, and we will be having none of that. The second officially sanctioned way to get started is to tell a joke, a preacher’s sermon sort of joke.