NEW ORLEANS (AP) — Shelley Anderson, whose husband was one of 11 workers killed in the Deepwater Horizon rig explosion, made a New Year’s resolution to try to avoid crying in front of their children.

“Like most New Year’s resolutions, I didn’t do too well. Jason not being with us is hard enough for them to understand. My sorrow only makes that worse,” Anderson wrote in a letter to the federal judge presiding over a plea deal that calls for BP PLC to pay a record $4 billion in criminal penalties for the 2010 disaster.