Captain’s Log, Stardate -313696.7861491628 (Earthdate April 21, 2009), Starship USS Too Many Red Bulls: Met today with UFOlogists from the Paradigm Research Group (PRG) in the National Press Club’s First Amendment Room. Our subject: We Are Not Alone. Addressing the gathering were three powerful speakers: Apollo 14 astronaut Edgar D. Mitchell, our sixth moon-walker, who said, “We are being visited. . . . It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence. . . . All of a sudden, when I began to realize the UFO phenomenon and alien visitation was real, I thought, ‘OK, we’re not alone in the universe.’ That’s pretty big news for we humans.” PRG founder Stephen Bassett, who warned, “If it does not disclose, by the end of May — this is not a threat or anything, you don’t threaten the United States government, they’re heavily armed . . . the PRG has an enormous and substantial network, and quite a bit of documentary evidence connected to this, particularly politically . . . and we are going to be extensively putting that out to the media, and we’re just going to make it as difficult on them as possible.” And “alien-implant researcher” Roger Leir, who “told the group that ‘multimillions’ have been abducted worldwide, and some have been implanted with strange, tiny devices used to monitor or control. . . . Holding court afterward, the doctor said the devices are similar to how we humans ‘tag’ animals. Tagging ‘about 15 percent of the species results in enough didactic knowledge to satisfy the curiosity of whoever put ’em in.'” All three very convincing. Why will no one listen?
