A quiet, painful break is happening in homes across America, and it started in a courthouse. As the country fixates on the Massachusetts trial of Lindsay Clancy, the argument has left the courthouse and entered our own relationships. Recent media analysis highlights show couples breaking up, engagements being called off, and marriages straining over one brutal question: Do you support her, or do you condemn her?
For many couples, this trial has become a test of who you are at your core. On one side, men look at the deaths of three children and see a clear line. They hear a partner feel sorrow for the woman on trial, and they panic. They mistake that sorrow for a lack of caring about the safety of children. On the other side, many women, especially mothers, look at the same tragedy and feel a deep, physical horror reflecting a broader public divide. They are not defending murder. They are recognizing a mind that was completely broken by a medical nightmare.
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I need to be clear about my own perspective. I am a physician who has focused on women’s health in a variety of clinical settings. I have walked with patients through some of the most challenging physical and emotional seasons of their lives, including the profound upheavals of cancer care. I also serve within our public judicial system as a sitting judge. Writing strictly as a private citizen and clinician — and not on behalf of my court or any active litigation — I am not an expert in postpartum psychology, nor do I claim to be. When it comes to the specific, rare mechanics of postpartum psychosis, I am looking at this case just like everyone else: examining it through the lens of formal education, life experience, and basic human empathy.
What my medical background does tell me, however, is that human health is fragile, and the brain does not operate in a vacuum. In my years of practice, I have seen exactly how extreme physical illness, hormonal shifts, and biological stress can alter how a person thinks, speaks, and behaves. When a body is under overwhelming stress, the mind can fracture. The brain is an organ, not a magical entity. Like a heart that stops pumping or a lung that ceases to take in air, the brain can fail suddenly and completely.
To the women who feel a powerful pull to express sympathy with the mother on trial, your heart is not wrong. It is deeply human. When a mother suffers from postpartum psychosis, a severe psychiatric emergency estimated to affect 0.1% to 0.2% of every 1,000 births, unexpected, horrible thoughts can take over a mind that used to hold only care. You are responding to the sheer terror of that biological failure. Seeing this does not mean you excuse what happened. It means you recognize a medical emergency. Even without being a psychiatric expert, anyone who has watched a loved one suffer a severe medical crisis knows how isolating it can be. We need to have the mercy to see that a broken mind needs help, and we must demand a healthcare system that catches these signs early so no parent is left to fight those battles alone.
But we must also hold a firm, unyielding line, and this is where the conversation often falls apart. To the men who feel alarmed by this empathy, your instinct to protect is also right. We can, and we must, take a tough stance. Murder is never acceptable. The loss of child lives is a tragedy that we can never normalize or make okay. True safety means we must agree that violence is never a solution, even when it comes from the darkest depths of despair. We do not have to choose between caring for a sick person and standing up for what is right. We have to do both at the exact same time.
If you are a couple arguing about this at home, stop treating your partner like a jury member. Move away from the trap of picking a side and see each other as partners working to build a safe life together. The internet wants us to believe that you are either entirely for her or entirely against her, but human life is rarely that simple.
You can get through this challenging subject by talking about your shared values before you ever talk about the details of the trial. Look at your partner and say out loud what you both know to be true: that the loss of these children is a terrible tragedy, and that protecting life is the foundation of your relationship. Saying this out loud takes away the fear. It reminds the man that his partner values safety, and it reminds the woman that she is not alone.
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From there, you can admit how scary human health can be. Agree that it is terrifying how a severe crisis after giving birth can completely break a person’s reality. Current research profiles indicate that this condition creates a profound break from reality, leaving individuals unable to distinguish internal disruptions from actual events. This lets a woman talk about the horror of the sickness without feeling like she is being blamed for defending a crime. Finally, turn this distant tragedy into a promise for your own home. Ask each other how you will protect and care for one another if either partner ever faces a severe physical or mental breakdown.
This trial should not be the reason relationships end. Instead, let it teach us how to guard each other more deeply. We can condemn the act of violence while still holding a deep, sorrowful empathy for the brokenness that caused it. That is not a sign of moral weakness. It is the very definition of a civilized society and a loving relationship.
Dr. Eric Wargotz is a practicing physician; clinical professor emeritus of pathology at the George Washington University School of Medicine and Health Sciences; Senior staff pathologist and immediate past Chief of Pathology and Medical Laboratory Director at Luminis Health Doctors Community Medical Center; Judge of the Orphans’ Court of Queen Anne’s County, Maryland Judiciary; former Elected President of the Queen Anne’s County Board of County Commissioners; and the 178th president of MedChi- the Maryland State Society. He has focused extensively on women’s health. The views expressed in this article are solely his own and may not represent the official positions of any of his affiliates.
