NEXT TUESDAY, I’m voting for Cruz Bustamante–on one condition: his sister has to be the headline act at his inaugural. That would be Nao Bustamante, a San Francisco-based “performance pioneer” whose creative spark could make even porn star/recall candidate Mary Carey blush. Here’s how the lieutenant governor’s baby sister describes her art: “Using the body as a source of image, narrative and emotion, my performances communicate on the level of subconscious language, taking the spectator on a bizarre journey, cracking stereotypes and embodying them. As in America, the Beautiful; where I’m some kind of sci-fi-barbie-Yankee Doodle-meat-puppet, offering up a wildly distorted vision of female sexuality and the beauty myth.”

One of the stops on that “bizarre journey” was her 1992 epic “Indigurrito,” thus described by the San Francisco Weekly: “[S[he strapped on a burrito to her loins and called for white men to come up on stage, take a bite out of the burrito and absolve themselves of 500 years of the white man’s guilt.” The paper adds, “There was no shortage of ennobled participants, who knelt in front of the protruding offering, some taking delicate bites, others deep-throated chunks.”