YOU’D THINK DENNY HASTERT would be pretty good with a gavel by now. But when the Speaker of the House steps up to the podium, he seems as giddy as the president of the College Republicans. He’s in Madison Square Garden on Monday to perform his duties as Permanent Convention Chairman of the 2004 Republican National Convention. And a large part of his task, apparently, is to bang the podium so hard and so close to the microphone, that every delegate and the entire fourth estate leap out of their collective skin.

Hastert doesn’t hesitate to use his forceful gavel style early and often, causing the same jarring horror every time. The first session of the convention comes to order at 10 a.m. Monday, and for the next four and a half hours the Republican party takes care of business and simultaneously gets its up-and-comers a little floor time. Early in the day’s program we hear a few words each from a gaggle of House candidates. Usually, when politicians claim they are about to “say a few words,” it’s code for “a few thousand.” But at the RNC, a few is all they’re allowed. Like the von Trapp children lining up to introduce themselves to their new governess, they step up, speak, and then step back sharply.