“Hello, Joe and Jill, this is Barack. How are y’all doing?… Well, I am sitting here with Michelle, and with Bill and Hillary, and with Nancy [Pelosi] and Hakeem [Jeffries] and Chuck [Schumer], and with Ron Klain. Everybody here says hello…”

“Look, Joe, let me get right to the point. We all know that another four years of Donald Trump could be the end of America as we know it. We can’t afford to lose to that criminal. Now we all know that based on the record, you’ll go down in history as a much better president than Trump was. But, Joe, you can’t beat him, and if you don’t, you’ll always get the blame for handing the White House and the fate of Planet Earth back to that dangerous SOB. And while, of course, we think you continue to do a good job as president, you just can’t convince the country you will still be able to do it until you’re 86…”