A Saudi professor has inadvertently come up with an ingenious way for the U.S. to win the war on terror. If American influence can help topple dictators in Egypt and Libya, surely the U.S. can launch a diplomatic and PR campaign to pressure the oil-rich desert nation into giving Saudi Arabian women drivers licenses.

Allowing Muslim women to drive would lead to such rampant pornography, prostitution, homosexuality and divorce that “there would be no virgins left in Saudi Arabia within 10 years, ” a “scientific” report delivered to all 150 members of the Shura Council authored by Kamal Subhi, a former professor at the King Fahd University, and other Muslim scholars at Saudi Arabia’s highest religious council.