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The 11 worst candidates who should never, ever be speaker of the House

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Now that Paul Ryan is reportedly mulling the idea of retirement, that tired cocktail conversation of who should replace him will begin again. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

Each speaker of the House scramble invites speculation around the fact that the speaker of the House doesn’t need to be an elected House member. Now that House Speaker Paul Ryan, R-Wis., is reportedly mulling the idea of retirement, that tired cocktail conversation will begin again. Inevitably at every happy hour, there will be some staffer reminding everyone that the Constitution is silent on the issue and that “it could totally happen.”

While it’s impossible to say who will pick up the gavel in the end, it’s very possible to say who definitely shouldn’t be considered. Without further delay, here is an impartial list of the eleven Americans who should be at the bottom of the list.

Speaker Roy Moore

Even if he ever concedes the Alabama Senate race to Doug Jones, Moore should still be a no.

Speaker Chris Christie

He belongs at the beach, not Congress.

Speaker Alex Jones

The congressional cafeteria would start serving lead-tainted health supplements.

Speaker Paul Manafort

The plush Persian rugs would be an upgrade to the speaker’s office. The direct line to Russia would not.

Speaker Aaron Schock

Just like Manafort, Schock has a taste for the finer, not the ethical, things in life.

Speaker Al Franken

The House already had one creep as speaker from 1999 to 2007. It doesn’t need another.

Speaker Blake Farenthold

(See above)

Speaker Tim Murphy

(See above)

Speaker James Comey

The job would take him from his secret Twitter and publicity tour.

Speaker Eric Cantor

The young gun makes a better lobbyist than leader.

Speaker Michael Flynn

No speaker of the House should ever lie to the vice president.