Anthony Bourdain would have been 63 years old on Tuesday. Instead, we’re left with just his memory.
The celebrity chef was known for his winsome cordiality and an uncanny ability to make friends across all cultural and socioeconomic lines. After he ended his own life last summer, though, he became somewhat of a poster boy for suicide prevention.
His brother, Chris, told Today that Bourdain wouldn’t have wanted his cause of death to be his legacy. But we should be talking more about the mental illnesses that can lead to suicide.
“Suicide is something more common than I ever thought. So many people came talking to me, saying my grandmother, mother, father, sister [died by suicide],” Chris said. “But nobody ever wants to talk about it. It’s the elephant in the damn room. Everybody has suicide in their life somewhere.”
As Bourdain’s friends and fans celebrate Bourdain Day, a remembrance that chefs Éric Ripert and José Andrés began in his honor, they should commemorate his achievements in making great cuisine accessible to everyone.
But we should also remember that his death was unexpected, like Kate Spade’s suicide three days before. Last year, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that suicide was the 10th leading cause of death in America, with rates rising in most states. Yet, as Chris said, we barely talk about it. That should change.
We should be talking about suicide more, but the way we do it matters. The teen show 13 Reasons Why posited itself as an opponent of suicide, yet it glamorizes the way its lead character reaps posthumous revenge. It’s also unhelpful to blame the family and friends of suicide victims. Per Today:
For example, Chris recommends destigmatizing mental health issues and recognizing that everyone has experienced the ripple effect of suicide. Encouraging more conversations about the issue should remind us that no one is immune to its effects. Suicide is a tragedy, and it does no good to grieving family and friends to blame them for being complicit in another’s choice.
Another way we talk about suicide badly is by using this well-meaning, but harmful, phrase: “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” It’s a common refrain of those who attempt to discourage suicide, but it’s not helpful. Experts say the term “solution” still leaves some appeal, and the assertion that all problems are temporary is dismissive. Franklin Cook, who has worked in suicide prevention for more than a decade, wrote for the Mighty that we should stop saying it. He said:
If someone you know is contemplating suicide, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has a list of recommendations:
- Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
- Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.
- Be nonjudgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong or whether feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.
- Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
- Don’t dare him or her to do it.
- Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.
- Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
- Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.
- Take action. Remove means, like weapons or pills.
- Get help from people or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.
High-profile suicides and TV shows that glamorize suicide can encourage imitations, but if Americans begin to change the way they talk about suicide, they can help. We can start by destigmatizing mental health issues and using the right language when talking to people contemplating suicide. It does no good to blame the family after the fact or shame someone contemplating suicide beforehand.
The best we can do is listen, and, if possible, remind others of what makes life worth living. As Marie Corelli wrote in A Romance of Two Worlds, “Act the part out, no matter how bad the play. What say you?”
(You can reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit its website here.)
