I was once witness to a particularly unnerving tirade launched by a well-known person toward a considerably less well-known assistant. Afterward, the explanation for the behavior went something like this: “You know, you have to understand. He’s just really… insecure.”
I was unconvinced. Insecurity didn’t seem to be what gave the powerful overlord the sense of freedom and entitlement to unleash a spittle-flying tantrum at the underling. It seemed more like security — self-satisfied, smug, coddled, indulged — was the true cause of the scene.
Full disclosure: I am not, at present, a licensed mental health practitioner. I could be wrong about this. Maybe the guy just didn’t get enough love as a child. Maybe he needed a hug and a good cry. I have an actor friend who, just before he goes onstage, hugs himself and says, “Wonderful, wonderful me!” Maybe that’s what that guy needed to do.
There’s some evidence to suggest that the abused and terrified assistant was basically correct in his diagnosis.
In 1998, psychologists Carol Dweck and Claudia Mueller published a study entitled “Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children’s Motivation and Performance,” and now that you’ve read the title, you pretty much don’t need to read the paper, but here’s the gist:
Dweck and Mueller took some fifth graders and gave them an easy math test that they all succeeded in. Half of them were praised for being smart, emphasizing their native ability, and half of them were praised for working hard, emphasizing their effort and concentration. Then they were all given a really hard math test, and they all failed at that, and then they were given another easy math test to see how it all shook out.
It really doesn’t sound like a fun day for those fifth graders, does it?
The ones who were praised for their innate smarts did worse on the final easy test. And they felt worse about themselves, too. The ones who were praised for their work ethic and effort did better on the final easy test, and they felt better overall.
Praise, in other words, can make a person insecure. If you’re told that you’re smart and talented, you end up cautious and nervous — you avoid risk and duck a challenge. Your success, to you, is all magic and luck, which means you may be prone to insecurity and yelling at your assistant. You can feel insecure. Talented, praised, and enriched, yes, but still uneasy about it all.
Here’s what I want to know:
The fifth graders from the Dweck and Mueller study are now approaching their midthirties. Which ones are richer? Which ones are more successful? Which ones, in other words, are throwing the tantrums and which ones are being tantrum-ed upon? That’s the study I’m waiting for.
Because what I’ve noticed over the years is that what makes some people effective in business, especially show business and that other show business, politics, is a willingness, maybe even an appetite, to engage in conflict. They’re the ones who bristle and shout and disagree and often get into protracted and doomed arguments, who cross the line between being decisive and forceful and being crazy and rageful.
They’re also the folks, often, who live in big houses and drive expensive cars and, in general, have a lot more money and success than those of us who are, maybe by nature and maybe by nurture, conflict-averse — a little less driven to be “right,” a little more secure in ourselves.
Just as insecurity may lead to awful, unspeakable behavior and in many cases enormous wealth and power, maybe insecurity leads to complacency and driving a Honda Civic with 123,000 miles on the odometer.
In the entertainment business, in which I have worked for 30 years, almost every business relationship has an outside person and an inside person. There is a star, and somewhere nearby, there’s the star’s enabling helpmeet. You can’t have one without the other. It’s the same in politics: There’s the politician, and nearby, there’s the legislative aide, the chief of staff, the undersecretary, or the vice president of the United States.
Maybe instead of giving those fifth graders a series of irritating math quizzes, they should pair them up — emotionally insecure tyrant and emotionally secure minion — for a more efficient and productive future.
Rob Long is a television writer and producer and the co-founder of Ricochet.com.
