I think Carey Purcell has a point about dating culture

Purcell attempted to explain why she believed two failed relationships between her (a non-Jewish woman) and Jewish men ended partially because of religion, and why she was left feeling like “their last act of defiance against cultural or familial expectations before finding someone who warranted their parents’ approval.”

The article is no doubt problematic. The headline is pure clickbait, Purcell undercuts her own argument through statistics that show the frequency of interfaith marriages, and she plays far too fast and loose with Jewish stereotypes, with a particularly cringe-worthy bacon joke in the article’s conclusion.

But it is intellectually lazy to reject her argument as just a scorned woman drawing erroneous conclusions about an entire religion (which she is undeniably doing). Her perspective as an outsider, though flawed, made for a fascinating exploration of the Jewish dating scene and the importance of communication in any relationship.

For the record, I am a single, Reform Jew who grew up in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood in Pittsburgh and currently lives in Washington, D.C. I’m probably slightly more religious than the Jewish men Purcell described her boyfriends to be (I fast on Yom Kippur). I want to be clear that my observations, like hers, are purely anecdotal and should not be taken as dogma — something she should have made more explicitly clear in her piece.

First and foremost, Purcell’s piece may be fundamentally misguided, but it is not anti-Semitic. Just because a take is controversial and challenging does not make it inherently hateful. Even her unfortunate use of Jewish stereotypes feels like it comes from a place of ignorance, not malice.

There’s real anti-Semitism out there, and labeling everything as such only serves to devalue the word. If you want to be mad about blatant anti-Semitism in Washington, direct your anger toward the D.C. councilman who claimed Jews control the weather.

It is also quite possible that Purcell hit on an uncomfortable truth the Jewish community may not be excited to discuss.

For the record, the alleged phenomenon Purcell is describing is a universal one, not one specific to Jews. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to want to date or marry someone of the same faith, ethnicity, or culture as you. People’s priorities, like their attachment to their religion, can also change during the course of a long relationship.

But it is worth asking whether there was a grain of truth in Purcell’s experience. After all, I think everyone would agree that it isn’t fair to anyone involved to go into a relationship knowing full well that when things get serious, you will have to confess to your significant other something along the lines of, “I really like you … but you’re just not Jewish.”

Admittedly, it seemed like there were a lot more factors that contributed to Purcell’s breakups than just Judaism, and her article did not offer their account of why the relationships deteriorated. That said, it’s certainly possible that these guys presented themselves to her in a way that made her believe religion would not be a deal-breaker, which is obviously dishonest.

Food for thought: I think it’s very telling that there is a Yiddish word, shiksa, that literally means “non-Jewish woman.” It’s a word with no other purpose than to label a large group of people as outsiders.

That word is almost always used disparagingly, like in season 1 of the Amazon series “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” when Joel Maisel’s father says of the young gentile he is dating: “You practice on shiksas, you don’t marry them.”

I have heard millennial Jews use a variation of that phrase in polite conversation, and it always drops my jaw. It’s one thing to want to be with another Jew, but it’s another thing entirely to rationalize using people you have no intention of committing to for “practice.”

Purcell was not the right messenger to highlight potential issues within the Jewish community, mainly because she can never truly understand the Jewish experience no matter how many Passover Seders she attends.

Yet buried underneath her crude rhetoric was an idea worth exploring further, one that must be considered whenever beginning a new relationship with someone of a different religion, ethnicity, or culture. Because of its unintended universality, Purcell’s piece cannot be entirely dismissed — especially by young, single Jews.

Joshua Axelrod (@jaxel222) is politics editor at MediaFile and a graduate student in Media and Strategic Communications at George Washington University. Previously he was a web producer and pop politics writer for the Washington Examiner.