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In a brief post on the White House blog, President Obama on Wednesday confessed he had been unfaithful to the U.S. Constitution “in various ways, on many occasions” and would take a hiatus from his high-profile position in order to “spend time healing my relationship with the Founding Fathers.”
Obama’s announcement came just days after golf pro Tiger Woods made a similar statement. However, the White House denied any connection between the two hiatuses.
The president’s unfaithfulness to the Constitution became public knowledge as his dalliances with centralized government control of the economy became increasingly open.
“First he was caught with his hand on the wheel of General Motors,” said one unnamed top White House aide. “Then word got out that he was in bed with the labor union bosses. Now there’s all of this talk about the federal government paying for abortions. … It’s all very unseemly.”
Obama’s statement noted that in January he had made a solemn vow to “preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States” but that his now very public transgressions “simply prove something about me that my supporters will find difficult to believe … that I am human.”
Top White House officials acknowledged, off the record, that the president has conducted a series of “extra-constitutional affairs” perhaps because he had become such a celebrity that he felt invincible.
“You start to think that you can do anything,” said one anonymous source familiar with the president’s thinking. “The boundaries of a traditional constitutional republic feel so constraining, so negative. You find all kinds of ways to justify what you’re doing, but ultimately it comes down to me, me, me.”
In a related story, the 10th Amendment has already hired a ghostwriter for a tell-all memoir about “being used, abused and played for a fool” by the president.
Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world’s leading family-friendly news satire source.
