In malls today it is inhuman
Not to talk of Taft or Truman,
Nor should a shopper crack a joke
Evoking faults of Ford or Polk.
Make Roosevelts a Facebook “like”
And generally embrace our Ike.
No matter what you may have heard,
Toast Silent Cal—without a word.
May Andrew Johnson now receive
Our pity and a brief reprieve.
Until tomorrow pardon Nixon
As well as every Clinton vixen.
Let food courts ring with Taylor’s praise!
Remember Rutherford B. Hayes,
Those Millard Fillmore glory days,
Ulysses S.—plus his white horse—
Van Buren, Tyler, too, of course,
And celebrate, this chilly day,
Young JFK, then LBJ.
Let rancor fade and no one mock
Buchanan, Bushes, or Barack.
Thank Washington and James Monroe—
And everybody, friend or foe,
Republican or Democrat:
Don’t mix up Garfield with that cat!
Avoid unfair comparisons
When speaking of the Harrisons.
Tom Jefferson and Franklin Pierce
Should be provoking pride that’s fierce.
Applaud The Great Emancipator;
Educate an Adams-hater.
Grant Madison what he is due,
Be fair regarding Harding too
And share what Hoover means to you.
Wear cardigans for Carter’s years
And give McKinley hearty cheers.
Spread Cleveland’s fame without dissension;
Old Hickory deserves some mention.
Keep Woodrow Wilson jokes suppressed;
Chester A. Arthur did his best.
Imagine them all, if you will,
On Ronald Reagan’s mythic hill.
—A. M. Juster
