I had my manhood tested on Thursday morning.
No, I wasn’t challenged to a fistfight and no one disrespected my girl — it was something much, much bigger.
I had the chance to face the best Madden NFL video game players in the world.
To me, this is infinitely a bigger deal than having someone spit on you.
Any red-blooded American male under 30 — 40 in the case of Examiner columnist Tony Giro — bases at least a certain amount of his self worth on video game prowess. Somewhere in the digital age, a winner-take-all game of Madden replaced meeting at the flagpole to rumble after school.
Ask any recent college male grad of their top 10 memories of living in a dorm, and it’s a guarantee one revolves around an epic game of Madden that gets even greater as the tale is retold.
Everyone thinks he — or she — is the best player. The best on their block, the best in their dorm, the best in their office.
I had the chance to beat the best.
ESPN Original Entertainment’s Madden Nation reality TV show was filming the fourth season at M&T Bank Stadium on Thursday and I picked up a controller against the top players in the world.
How could I refuse? It would be a lifetime worth of bragging rights. I showed up at the stadium and was able to meet the players, including David “One9” Stepney, Robert “40G’s” Hart and Anthony “Nef” Brinson.
“We aren’t going to take it easy on you,” Hart, a 36-year-old wearing replica jersey of the Dallas Cowboys’ DeMarcus Ware, said. “You have to be ready.”
“You can’t handle this hotness,” I quipped back with my best trash talking. “I spit the hot fire.”
This sent the players into a round of laughs as we exited the stadium into the Madden Nation bus in the parking lot. We went to the back, which features leather couches, flat screen televisions and a pair of XBox 360s. We popped in Madden NFL 2009 and were off.
I started off playing “One9,” a 24-year-old from Pompano, Calif. He picked the Saints — he wears a No. 9 Drew Brees jersey — and I picked my favorite team, the San Francisco 49ers.
(Pause for laughter)
My first two drives ended with interceptions, and being a veteran of PlayStation2, it took time to get used to the controller. I was trailing 14-0 against “One9” when he handed the controller to “40G’s” so he could take a phone call. I thought I had him stopped, but on fourth-and-goal from the 1-yard line, he turned to me and said, “you aren’t gonna like this.”
In an instant he had his quarterback audible, and flipped a pass to his tight end for a touchdown.
The rout was on.
I managed to save face, losing 28-7. I blame my quarterback Alex Smith, who went 13-of-23 for 223 yards with one touchdown against five interceptions.
“You gotta practice my man,” 40G’s said with a laugh.
I did redeem myself about 30 minutes later, playing a few series against “One9” with the Cowboys, scoring a touchdown and forcing several turnovers while keeping him off the scoreboard.
“Did you see him?” One9 said to Nef. “He’s driving it on me.”
Manhood saved.
By the time I tell my grandchildren, it’s going to sound like one hell of a fourth-quarter comeback.
Dave Carey is by far The Examiner’s best video game player. He can be reached at [email protected]
