Lets face it, being a man in the 21st century is not very easy. In past centuries, men were relied on for men’s work: hard work, dangerous work. Men opened the frontiers, fought invading forces, built homes from the wilderness, and protected their families. When someone needed food, the man would go gather some. When the family needed shelter, the man cut trees down and built one.
Modern man’s role is a lot less clearly defined. Need a house? Buy one someone made. Need food? Go to the supermarket. Need protection? That’s what police are for. Need to go somewhere? Get in the car and drive the paved roads. Feminist Irina Dunn is credited with the line “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle,” and in modern western culture, that seems difficult to dispute.
Some men turn to eternal adolescence, pretending the frat house days never end and that a man need never grow up, never show responsibility, and never face life. Others seek a pseudo-masculinity in brutality and violence. Gang members, wife beaters, and thugs all fall into this category. Posing as men and parodying real strength, such men suffer from a real lack of maturity as well. Still others surrender to the feminist ideal and turn into a weak, emotive, emasculated version of themselves. This is the kind of man who looks great because he gets that apricot pit facial and carries a man purse, but cannot face life outside a carefully constructed urban cocoon.
So what, then, is a real man to do, how can a man find his place in modern culture? The answer, I think, comes from an unexpected place.
Being a man, I don’t watch the Home and Garden network (HGTV) much. It seems to be more a women’s interest channel, but there is one show on there that always catches my attention and I love to watch. The show is Holmes on Homes, about Mike Holmes, a Canadian contractor who comes in to repair the shoddy and incomplete work by failed renovation efforts. What does this have to do with masculinity?
Mike Holmes looks like the ideal of a man, tall and strong and broad, yet that isn’t what I have in mind. The entire show, indeed, his entire life, is about building and crafting things right the first time. Mike Holmes is working in New Orleans to rebuild homes and make them hurricane resistant. He started a foundation to give scholarships to young craftsmen. He spends every episode with patience and genuine concern working to take the shambles of poor work and turning it into a masterpiece. He helps those in need by doing the finest work with a real love of his craft.
Now, while I think Holmes is a great guy, my point isn’t to praise him but to show him as a template for a modern man. The modern man has to use the same strengths of masculinity as men in the past who, honestly, had an easier job of figuring out what to do. They must simply be applied in different areas.
The work of a contractor is humble and small, focusing on one home, one room, one apartment complex at a time. Mike Holmes doesn’t change the world, he is just does his job. By doing this job well, he makes the world a better place one home at a time.
The dragons modern man fights are sloth, narcissism, selfishness, and irresponsibility. The food we hunt for now is a society with a greater nobility and virtue to pass on to our children. The homes we build now are structures in our culture and community, which combine to build a greater nation and world.
Men have a duty now to turn their strength and courage, their ingenuity, leadership, and ambition to do things better. Instead of doing the minimum effort for the maximum pay with an eye foremost on the day off, the vacation, and the retirement, men need to stand tall and work hard to make things better now. Work done well the first time means no one has to come later and make it better. Hard decisions and sacrifices made now mean future generations benefit from that effort. Men who stand tall and do what is right at any cost show other generations how men should behave, instilling values and principles they can build their lives upon.
The greatest hurdle young men face in modern society is living in a culture which has no idea what masculinity is truly supposed to be. With real men all around them, boys can learn and from that teach future generations. Want to be a real man? It doesn’t involve guns, smoking, and bar fights; masculinity isn’t found in beer and hot women. You do not show yourself to be a man by driving a hot car and making lots of money so you can buy the best toys.
Masculinity is why and how you do what you do, and doing the best job you can, where you are, when you are demonstrates the best a man can offer. Being a real man demonstrates fortitude, wisdom, and courage. Men do the hard jobs right and everyone benefits from that in the end.
So hoist that brew after a hard day’s work if you want, but do it for the right reasons. Here’s to Mike Holmes, who in a small way teaches us how to live our lives as men.
