“Child-free” is a newish popular term among culturally liberal millennials, which means it will probably enter the Associated Press Stylebook and Merriam-Webster soon enough. It’s replacing “childless” for reasons explained by Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett, a columnist for the Guardian:
Yes, language is always loaded with subterranean meaning and subtle connotations. Yes, parenthood, fertility, singlehood, and nulliparity are all sensitive topics fraught with personal, medical, and emotional baggage. But also, having children is the ordinary way of modern civilization for generations and the only way of creating new generations. This is true even if it upsets some Guardian readers.
More than 80% of American women in their early 40s have given birth at least once, according to 2018 numbers. Statistically, then, most women are mothers or eventually become mothers. The process of going through life, of growing up, of maturing in the United States in the 21st century, typically includes having children. Most American men end up with at least one child, too.
Just because most people are doing something, of course, doesn’t mean everybody should be expected to follow suit or even to owe a public accounting for why one is doing things differently. Those who don’t ever have children might have fertility or marital problems. They may never have found the right husband or wife. They may just never have wanted children. The motivations are quite personal.
But none of the above makes it less true that having children is the “default,” to use Coslett’s term, or the norm. Parenthood is normally an eventual part of adulthood — not only because it is statistically most common but also because it is part of human nature and it shapes all modern human society.
Humans naturally pair off, and modern societies generally prescribe, for good reason, lifelong monogamy. Most lifelong, monogamous romantic relationships result in pregnancy, and those that don’t often adopt. (These cultural norms and biological facts all combine nicely with the fact that children are best raised in stable families, with a pair of married parents.)
An increasing number of children are born outside of marriage, but they are often born in relationships that resemble marriage or lead to marriage.
Culture and nature, which are not easily separable, create a norm of parenthood.
A tolerant, pluralistic society accepts that not everyone follows the standard path. Failure to conform is not a sign of perfidy. But our attempts to be inclusive and tolerant shouldn’t make us unable to express realities in language that certain things are “normal,” “standard,” “default,” or whatever you want to call it.
