Well, that didn’t take long. We bade farewell to our Spanish exchange student Tuesday afternoon, and by breakfast on Wednesday the kitchen was buzzing once more with the sound of siblings bickering.
For four serene weeks, the presence of a guest — a witness — had the effect of suppressing most of the little moments of domestic discord that can quickly turn into full-scale unhappiness.
At innumerable little pivot points in the day, a person who might, in the Spaniard’s absence, have spoken rudely or angrily would check himself or herself and speak kindly instead. Big disagreements never had the chance to arise. Harmony prevailed. It was great!
Alas, only a matter of hours after the Madrid-bound plane took off, we are quickly subsiding into old patterns.
“You have to close the gate or the dog will get out,” one sibling said irritably to another as everyone prepared for school.
“I was going to.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t.”
“I was just about to do it! Stop being so bossy!”
“I’m not being bossy! You left the gate open, and he could walk right through it.”
“He could not walk through it, because I’m standing right by it.”
“So why didn’t you just close it?”
“I was ABOUT to — ”
You see how it is. The pack is readjusting.
Still, the experience of including someone else’s child in the family has had salutary effects that I feel sure can last. We may not be able to escape a bit of bickering, but the fact that we enjoyed a month without it shows that a more melodious household is possible. Sunny uplands of comity await us!
We also learned that a surprising amount of fun can result when children are granted at least a little of what they desire. Here I use “we” in the royal sense, for it was Mrs. Cheeseparing Naysayer who needed the lesson.
“How about we go for ice cream?”
“Not today.”
“Can we go ice skating?”
“No, it’s a school night.”
“Let’s go to the movies! To the zoo! To the Air and Space Museum!”
“No, we probably don’t have time …”
That was Mrs. C.N., pre-exchange student. As soon as the boy arrived, it seemed strangely easy to say “Why not?” in answer to such questions. We went everywhere, did everything and ate more ice cream than I care to recall.
Was this vanity on my part? Maybe a little: I didn’t want to come across as a No-Fun Mum. But more, I think it was simply that the Spaniard’s time with us was limited, and it seemed right to make the most of it.
That is the deepest teaching of all. What’s true of a visitor is true of children and family, and too often we fail to remember it. The time we have together is limited, whether it is amid the squalling of toddlers, the scrapping of elementary school children or the transitional push-me-pull-you of teenagers — let alone the many points beyond, with grandparents and in-laws and the like.
Our time with them is whizzing by. Whether or not there’s an exchange student kicking around the place imparting moral lessons with his very presence, we’d be wise to make the most of it.
Meghan Cox Gurdon’s column appears on Sunday and Thursday. She can be contacted at mgurdon@ washingtonexaminer.com.
