I‘m no defender of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange. In fact I agree with Senator Dianne Feinstein who wrote that Assange should be prosecuted under the Espionage Act of 1917. However, I do find it quite bizarre that Assange was the subject of an international manhunt on the charge of condom misuse. It’s as if a warrant for the arrest of John Wilkes Booth was issued on the charge that he jaywalked when leaving Ford’s Theater.
Suddenly it seems that condom misuse as become classified as a crime so hideous that international warrants can be issued for the arrest of the suspected perpetrators. So how did Julian Assange end up arrested on the condom misuse charge? One problem for Assange is that he apparently wooed the wrong woman. Here is how she is described by Britain’s Daily Mail:
Guys, a word of advice here. If you are being wooed by a woman who is known as a radical feminist then run, don’t walk, away from her immediately even if she looks like Scarlett Johannson. And the fact that she was a “campus sexual equity officer” dedicated to “fighting male discrimination in all forms” guarantees that you are inevitably going to face a world of hurt should you even look at her the wrong way.
What sealed Assange’s fate was when Swedish Sarah was contacted by Jessica who also shared some sack time with Assange soon after his encounter with the former campus sexual equity officer. Sarah then proceeded to a pre-planned act of revenge upon Assange which the Daily Mail chronicled:
Earlier this year, Sarah is reported to have posted a telling entry on her website, which she has since removed. But a copy has been retrieved and widely circulated on the internet.
Entitled ‘7 Steps to Legal Revenge’, it explains how women can use courts to get their own back on unfaithful lovers.
Step 7 says: ‘Go to it and keep your goal in sight. Make sure your victim suffers just as you did.’
And to ensure that their victim would suffer, the two women obtained the services of a “gender lawyer”:
Now that Assange has been arrested what will his condom misuse trial in Sweden be like? I am predicting that in contrast to the serious nature of the classified secrets revealed by WikiLeaks it could turn out to be a comical farce due to the condom misuse charge. The courtroom scene could very well be like that scene in the principal’s office in “Porky’s” when Miss Balbricker was urging the apprehension of a heinous “seducer and despoiler.” The Swedish judge would have trouble maintaining an air of serious sobriety due to the absurd nature of the testimony by radical feminist Sarah who, for the purposes of this discussion, I give the last name of Balbricker:
MS BALBRICKER: In spite of the juvenile snickers of some, this is a serious matter. That seducer and despoiler must be stopped; he’s extremely dangerous. And, your honor, I’m certain that everyone in this room knows who that is. He’s a contemptible little pervert who…
JUDGE: Miss Balbricker! For the purposes of this trial, can we please call the body part in question a “tallywhacker?”
MS BALBRICKER: Well, I’m sorry, but I’ve got him now, and I’m not going to let him slip through my fingers again.
At this point the defense lawyer breaks out laughing followed by the spectators, reporters, and even the prosecution team. The stern Swedish judge struggles desperately to maintain a serious demeanor but, like principal Carter in Porky’s, ultimately breaks out in hysterical laughter much to the consternation of Sarah Balbricker.
One interesting aspect to the condom misuse aspect of the WikiLeaks scandal is the fact that a certain news show is avoiding this topic like the plague. Client #9 and the “Conservative” aka “Parker Spitzer” on CNN. Their ratings have been in the toilet but imagine how they would skyrocket if Kathleen Parker kept bringing up this topic much to the annoyance of Eliot Spitzer who, as Client #9, was known for his objection to the use of condoms. If the producers of that show want their ratings to skyrocket, they need for “conservative” Kathleen Parker to ask Spitzer about the condom misuse charges against Assange again and again and again. The uncomfortable reactions from Spitzer would ensure viewers would tune in for a change.
And did Julian Assange wear ugly black socks during his tryst with the radical feminist campus sexual equity officer?
