Of the pitfalls awaiting parents, surely one of the most dangerous is the temptation to be buddies with their children. A friend of mine remembers loving the way her pretty young mother would link hands with her when she was little, and laugh: “We’re best friends!”
She also remembers feeling smothered and faintly disgusted by the same words, once she had become a teenager. Her mother’s desire for them to be pals hadn’t changed; hers had. Inwardly, she felt this imbalance leaching away her respect for her mother.
Not all children reject their parents, of course, and friendly rapport can be lovely. But adults who have ceded their parental prerogatives often find they lack authority just when they desperately need it.
Alas, this is the fate that seems to have befallen one of television’s most cuddly and lovable dads, the goateed, floppy-haired, twang-voiced Billy Ray Cyrus.
As both the on- and off-screen father of pop star Miley Cyrus, aka Disney’s “Hannah Montana,” Mr. Cyrus has long seemed the very model of the modern collaborative, easy-natured father-advocate.
His presence in his daughter’s life helped cement the wholesomeness and family-friendliness of her career.
When, at 15, she appeared in the pages of Vogue swathed in sheets, tousled and apparently topless, the world’s shock was mitigated by the assurance that her father had approved the photo.
That disconcertingly suggestive image turned out to be the first of a string of miniscandals that have since sullied Miley Cyrus’ upright image.
Though she has not become a Hollywood wild child quite yet, as her father reveals in the current issue of GQ magazine, he’s genuinely frightened by her trajectory.
With his family life in ruins — Mr. Cyrus and Miley’s mother are divorcing, and he’s no longer closely involved in his daughter’s career — he now regrets failing to be a stronger father when he had the chance.
“How many interviews did I give and say, ‘You know what’s important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids.’ I said it a lot,” Mr. Cyrus told GQ writer Chris Heath.
“And sometimes I would even read [that] other parents might say, “You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.” Well I’m the first guy to say to them right now: ‘You were right.’ ”
Only slowly did Mr. Cyrus realize that his daughter’s handlers were using him — not as a father, but as a PR tool — to deflect public criticism away from her when she got into scrapes. He decided to stop playing the patsy in November, right before Miley’s 18th birthday party at a bar in Los Angeles (where the drinking age is 21).
“I should have been a better parent,” Mr. Cyrus says now. “I should have said, “Enough is enough — it’s getting dangerous and somebody’s going to get hurt. I should have, but I didn’t. Honestly, I didn’t know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere.”
Meghan Cox Gurdon’s column appears on Sunday and Thursday. She can be contacted at [email protected].
