Alyssa Milano’s idea for women to go on a sex strike is inspired. I propose that it apply to one group in particular: single, unattached women.
More than half of Americans between 18-34 are currently not in a relationship at all. Many of these folks would like to get married and have families of their own, but they often ruin their chances by putting the cart before the horse. Sex isn’t something a relationship starts with; it’s something that comes after the relationship has been established, and that takes time to build.
A sex strike on the part of women (for it is they who call the shots on sex) would indeed allow couples to build actual relationships that potentially lead to marriage and family formation. It’s mind-blowing, when you think about it, to consider all the problems we could solve by this one simple plan of action.
Here are four:
1.) Unplanned pregnancies would drop dramatically. Thus, fewer babies would die. Most of the women getting abortions (83%) are unmarried. It therefore stands to reason that if women didn’t have sex with men who haven’t “put a ring on it,” abortion would be dramatically derailed.
2.) Hookup culture would end, and courtship would make a comeback. Uncommitted, casual sex is an unmitigated disaster. It’s no coincidence that marriage has collapsed as more and more women began to have indiscriminate sex with men, as opposed to waiting (if not for marriage, then at least for a monogamous, adult relationship). A courtship culture, where sex takes a back seat in favor of establishing an actual relationship with the opposite sex, is an obvious antidote to sex on demand. It’s our casual attitude toward sex that’s getting in the way of finding lasting love.
3.) So-called rape culture wouldn’t be a thing. Yes, some boys will always try to take advantage; but if young women, as a rule, would never dream of sleeping with someone they barely know, men’s attempts would be in vain. (Side note: That was how things used to be, and it worked very well.) That most people tend to be drunk when they hook up suggests they wouldn’t make the same choice sober. In my day, drinking was no less popular, but casual sex was the exception to the rule. It’s the overt and tacit approval of casual sex that created the so-called rape culture. In reality, it’s just sloppy sex.
4.) More children would grow up with their fathers; thus, there would be less crime, less depression, less violence. Yes, there’s a direct link between America’s casual attitude toward sex and what Heather Mac Donald rightly points out is the biggest “social catastrophe of our age”: fatherlessness.
Trace America’s social ills to their roots, and you’ll find the same source: a broken or never-formed family, which almost always results in fatherless homes. But before there was a broken family, there was a broken marriage or a marriage that never formed in the first place. While there’s more than one reason why marriage is dying, at its center is that women removed men’s incentive to marry.
When sex becomes cheap, it upends the mating market. The women who want to get married and have children must compete with all the women who now ask little or nothing of men in exchange for their bodies and their hearts.
Ergo, a sex strike on the part of women is precisely what society needs. This would unquestionably bring marriage back into the fold, which would in turn bring fathers back into their children’s lives, which would in turn result in fewer social ills.
Something tells me Alyssa Milano didn’t realize how profound her idea was.
Suzanne Venker (@SuzanneVenker) is a contributor to the Washington Examiner’s Beltway Confidential blog. She is an author, columnist, and relationship coach known as “The Feminist Fixer.” Her newest book, “Women Who Win at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts,” will be published in October 2019. Venker’s website is www.suzannevenker.com.
