Facebook and Twitter feeds were buzzing with discussion after the late-May New York Times article declaring that millennials are no longer interested in marriage. The article’s popularity can be attributed, in part, to the uncomfortable truth it laid on an entire generation: that the unwillingness to commit might not be so great for society at large.
But while millennials bear the brunt of negative characterizations in the media, their lack of interest in settling down might be the least of society’s generational worries. Move aside millennials, because fear of commitment itself is personified in Generation Z, a group comprised of individuals born between 1995 and 2015. In a phenomenon that has baffled social scientists and psychologists alike, Generation Z has opted to stop dating entirely.
Gen Z’s difficulty navigating the contours of dating is no surprise. They grew up in an age when boredom could be solved instantaneously by unlocking their smartphones, and the capital of Namibia could be ascertained through a five-second consultation with Siri. Instead of going on dates, romantic interaction among Gen Zers takes the form of instantaneous online communication: swiping through Tinder, exchanging Snapchats, and sending direct messages on Instagram. In fact, the average American adult swipes through dating apps for an average of 77 minutes each day. But why is this a problem?
Dating apps give the impression of an infinite supply of potential partners, making it difficult for Gen Zers to remain content with a single romantic prospect. Even those who don’t use dating apps report feeling like the seemingly endless stream of potential partners on their Instagram feeds makes committing to a relationship much more daunting. Instead of building longer-term connections with romantic partners, Gen Zers build hundreds of surface-level connections with their numerous followers, creating relationships that are empirically less fulfilling than the more serious relationships undertaken by older generations.
This attitude of transience creates problems when it comes to developing confidence and connection. Without the necessity to push out of their romantic comfort zone, Gen Zers have become increasingly stressed and isolated. More than 91% of Gen Z adults report that they have experienced at least one physical or emotional symptom because of stress, such as feeling depressed and lacking interest, motivation, and energy.
In March, Kerry Cronin, a philosophy instructor at Boston College, experimented with how in-person dating affects the mental health of Gen Zers by having them complete an assignment in which they would go on an in-person date, and write a response discussing their experience. Surprisingly, the students gave glowing reviews of the dating assignment, writing that while they were initially afraid, they learned a lot about themselves, gained social confidence, and felt less depressed, sluggish, and isolated.
What’s more, Cronin’s students learned powerful lessons in self-actualization, one commenting that “going on a date helps us get over our fear of failure,” and another reporting that “it makes us feel more vulnerable and that vulnerability helps us learn more about ourselves.” The meaning these students found from engaging in old-fashioned dating is significant. Instead of desperately searching for connection through hourlong Tinder sessions, it’s time for Gen Z to inject a shot of confidence by going out on real dates with their peers. Bad dates build character, and good dates build relationships. Both outcomes are preferable to Generation Z’s current romantic isolation.
Perhaps we should take our dating cue from Nora Ephron, the famous 90s rom-com screenwriter. When asked whether she thought going on bad dates was a waste of time, she responded, “I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.”
With only confidence, human connection, and new perspectives to gain from going on dates, it’s time for Gen Zers to delete Bumble and start connecting with their peers face-to-face, even if not every dinner results in an undeniable love connection. Per Nora’s adage, if your dinner date with the intern in the neighboring cubicle is truly unsalvageable, the roasted potatoes you’ll consume during dinner and the confidence you’ll gain along the way will serve as unparalleled consolation prizes.
Elizabeth Nealon is editor of Clemson University’s newspaper, The Sensible Tiger, and is currently interning at a think tank in Washington D.C.
