“Gunblade NY.” If ever there was a good excuse to avoid the couples’ skate down at the rink, this was it. While some boys were holding girls’ hands to “My Heart Will Go On,” there were always two young men – and several more watching – who opted instead to hold the giant plastic “guns” that vibrated with every “shot” at the terrorists on the giant screen. Other games had you do dumb junk like reload and take cover, but “Gunblade NY” let you hold down the trigger the entire time to deliver a nonstop spray of bullets, which is what everyone — everyone who was listening to gunfire instead of Celine Dion — wanted to do anyway.
And the graphics were fantastic, with spectacular explosions. At least, that’s what I thought at the time. Watching this relic flicker to life on my home screen — wow. Is this really the same game I played at the skating rink? The graphics are laughably blocky, explosions that once looked round are revealed to be made of staggered sheets of orange pixels, and the game features the world’s worst rendering of the Statue of Liberty, within and without video games. How did I not see this before?
Even if the game looks dated, you can’t fault it for style. The electric guitar soundtrack is hilarious, incredibly minor explosions are shaped like mushroom clouds, and your bullets still pound holes in the pavement that suggest someone has been shooting up the city with a cannon. Amusement aside, it takes maybe 30 minutes to beat a game that once seemed epic. “Gunblade NY” is further proof that memories are sweeter than attempts to revisit their source.
Oh, and for those of you wondering about the other half of the title, this disc also comes with “LA Machineguns,” not to be confused with hair band L.A. Guns, and also not to be confused with anything you’ve ever heard of, unless you were one of the Visigoths who were still hanging around in arcades in 1998.
This “Arcade Hits Pack” is not a bad experience. Nor is it a $30 experience. If you found it in a bargain bin for $10, and you have a friend over, and you’ve had a couple, it could be a great experience. But even then, you’ll only play it for an hour, maximum.
