A new opportunity has opened for the disgraced sports celebrity — the one-man show.
Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson blazed that trail in Las Vegas, and now Pete Rose is following with a one-man show that was scheduled for Friday night at a Cincinnati casino.
It takes a certain kind of personality to pull off a one-man show. Your life has to be like either a demolition derby or one of those funny little cars Shriners drive in parades.
Rob Dibble fits the latter. He would be a natural for a one-man show.
The former Nationals broadcaster entered the D.C. sports consciousness again this week with his attacks on Nationals pitcher Stephen Strasburg, who may have lost to the Padres on Tuesday because “hot stuff” found its way onto the wrong body parts.
Dibble believes he was fired from the MASN booth two years ago when he told the young pitcher to “suck it up” on his national radio show. That, of course, was right before Strasburg was diagnosed with torn elbow ligaments that required Tommy John surgery.
He tweeted the following in response to Strasburg’s struggles on the mound Tuesday — four runs and seven hits in four innings in a 6-1 loss:
“Wow, I guess you can’t be human, it was the hot stuff on your groin? Really, next time use a feminine napkin.”
This material is too good for Twitter. It could be the inspiration for a one-man show — “The Story of Rob Dibble.”
I don’t pretend to know all the details of Dibble’s life, but here’s how it would read if I were writing some of his material:
“I was born in Bridgeport, Conn., in 1964. I don’t remember much, but they told me I was dropped on my head a lot as a kid.
“I didn’t have many friends, so I used to play by myself in the backyard. That’s how I became a pitcher. We used to have a lot of empty Thunderbird wine bottles in the trash, and I would take them out, set them up and throw rocks at them.
“I was a good pitcher, but I was even better at wrestling. Lou Piniella didn’t believe me, so I tried to pile-drive him.
“My career didn’t last long. A voice inside my head told me to ‘suck it up’ when I was hurt. I hear a lot of voices inside my head.
“My career ended right around the time reality TV became popular programming. I’ve been riding the buffoon gravy train ever since.”
Examiner columnist Thom Loverro is the co-host of “The Sports Fix” from noon to 2 p.m. Monday through Friday on ESPN980 and espn980.com. Contact him at [email protected].
