John Oliver didn’t demolish anything this week, but in a spot-on web exclusive, the comedian voices all of our feelings about New Year’s Eve.
“New Year’s Eve is like the death of a pet. You know it’s going to happen, but you are never truly prepared for how awful it is,” Oliver announced.
“New Year’s Eve is the worst. It combines three of the least pleasant things known to mankind — forced interaction with strangers; being drunk, cold and tired; and having to stare at Ryan Seacrest for five solid minutes waiting for him to tell you what the time is.”
Truer words have never been spoken. But don’t worry, you can skip out on the festivities this year.
From fake diseases to pretend juice cleanses, Oliver has you covered with some perfect excuses to get you out of celebrating this so-called holiday.
“The best way to celebrate the spirit of New Year’s Eve is by lying,” Oliver said. “…If you do this right, you will be in bed on New Year’s Eve by 11:45 p.m. after watching all five ‘Die Hard’ movies.”
