“Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl,” the 2003 film that started the franchise, was a mildly funny adventure film, based on a theme park ride, that made a mint at the box office. It was followed by two sequels, which earned over about $730 million — though they were plot-driven pictures made not so much to entertain as to make money. The fourth entry in the series, “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” is poised to make similar boffo box office. And if it does, I will be even more disappointed in America.
I’m already disheartened with Dame Judi Dench, perhaps the best actress of her generation, who makes a brief cameo near the start of the film. “The Chronicles of Riddick” was one thing, Dame Judi; this mess of a movie is quite another.
| On screen |
| ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides’ |
| 1 out of 5 stars |
| Stars: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane, Geoffrey Rush |
| Director: Rob Marshall |
| Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of action/adventure violence, some frightening images, sensuality and innuendo |
| Running time: 137 minutes |
After critics — who mostly liked the first film — gave harsher reviews to the second and third, producers decided to pare down the plot and focus more on the colorful characters, or so they say. Neither is worth sitting through this snoozefest for two and a quarter hours. The IMAX and 3-D aren’t enough to generate any excitement either.
Johnny Depp did something quite interesting in the first “Pirates” film — he created a character of mythic proportions, who seemed to embody centuries of stories. By this point, though, he seems more and more like a cheap rip-off of Keith Richards, who again appears, as Captain Jack Sparrow’s father. Dad puts son on the trail of another ship, one heading toward the legendary Fountain of Youth. Its captain is the dreaded Blackbeard (Ian McShane), and its first mate is the beautiful Angelica (Penelope Cruz), a haunting woman from Jack’s past — and, it turns out, Blackbeard’s daughter.
They’re not the only sailors Jack needs to worry about. Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) has been given a ship by the king to hunt for those same life-giving waters, and the Spanish have already got a head start.
Zombies, mermaids, pseudo-vampires — “Stranger Tides” has got them all. What it doesn’t have are surprises, laughs, satisfying action or any narrative drive. Its filmmakers must be some of the most cynical in Hollywood. They know they can simply put the sprightly Depp on screen, with a few other scary-looking pirates and a couple of bosomy, beautiful women, and American audiences will be more than willing to slap their dwindling cash down to see it.
Sadly, I fear they are correct. Please — prove me wrong.
