Can you imagine if the Transportation Security Administration started screening NASCAR drivers, skiers or even just Americans going for a walk? Stephen Colbert can.
On Tuesday night’s episode of ‘The Colbert Report,’ the comedian mocked the government agency, which is slated to expand its security services to additional transportation hubs and large events, such as sports games.
“That’s right — TSA agents are headed to our stadiums and passenger trains, and the hiring process should be easy since there’s already plenty of guys on the subway ready to give patdowns,” Colbert joked.
He celebrated the fact that “vulnerable” rodeos would now be secure, but cautioned cowboys to invest in some Crocs for their horses, instead of horseshoes, for getting through security. He also joked that NASCAR drivers would have to be stopped and screened before every lap on the racetrack.
“It’s the only way to make sure that everyone’s safe before they crash for our amusement!” he justified.
The comedian added that TSA agents should also monitor chair lifts at ski resorts.
“Think about it — they’re full of suspicious people wearing masks, who never ride them round trip, just one way,” he said. “Where do they go? No one knows!”
But what about the largest mode of American transportation — legs?
“With all the threats out there, wouldn’t you feel more comfortable with a TSA agent clinging to one [leg] at all times?” he closed.
Watch the clip below:
