Last week, conservative commentator Tomi Lahren proved in spades with her “PSA for Boyish Men” why my coaching business is booming. Millennial women may be rocking in the marketplace, but they’re shooting blanks when it comes to love. They have no clue how to attract and to keep a good man, and they blame men for their predicament.
As Lahren has now established, it doesn’t matter which side of the political fence women are on. It doesn’t even matter if they’re religious. The modern generation of women is completely out of touch when it comes to the opposite sex. They know next to nothing about men.
In her Facebook screed, Lahren railed against today’s men, whom she claimed are “trash,” and then proceeded to offer said men advice on how to land “talented, skilled, ambitious women” like Lahren and her friends “who have something going on.”
She then contrasted women like herself with the “other” kind of women: those who are presumably less ambitious and, according to Lahren, have nothing going on.
The latter group represents the women with whom Lahren and her friends must compete for good men, and Lahren wants men to know that a relationship with her kind is far more satisfying than it would be with the other. Lahren is tired of being ghosted and tired of dealing with men who don’t measure up. “All of my friends are attractive and successful. Almost every single one of them has an issue with men. If all of these women, including myself, are having issues, then I have to think it might not be us. It might be you. It might be men.”
That’s certainly a convenient way to look at it. Here’s another: If you and your friends all have the same problem with men, there’s likely something about you and them that repels the kind of men for whom you’re looking. It takes a good dose of maturity to look at it this way, but the way forward is not to cast blame. The way forward is to look inward, to see what you might be doing wrong.
To be sure, I empathize with millennial women. You’ve been raised in a culture steeped in female empowerment and relentless male-bashing, which does not bode well for love. You may say you’re not a feminist, but you’ve absorbed its tenets nonetheless.
It is true, as Lahren points out, that boys have failed to become men. But it is equally true that girls have failed to become ladies. “Don’t call us difficult because we’re not,” Lahren said. “We work hard. We’re successful. We take care of ourselves. We try to look cute. That’s why we have the ability to be what you call ‘difficult’ … We are not ‘not good enough.’ We are too enough, and you can’t handle it.”
Ladies don’t talk like that.
Lahren also implied that men should be honored to be in her presence and that if they can’t handle her high standards and expectations, well, then, sayonara. She’s apparently unaware of how vain, insecure, and, immature she appears to a grown man, the kind of man she says she wants.
Lahren and her contemporaries need to come down off that pedestal of theirs. Otherwise, they will wind up alone or with the kind of guys they say they don’t want. They attract men they’re not interested in not because men are “trash” but because most men aren’t interested in women who act as Lahren does.
What Lahren does have to offer, and she markets it well, is beauty. Unfortunately for her, she’s competing with women whose beauty matches hers but with different hearts and minds. Lahren haughtily refers to some women as having “nothing going on,” but they project something she doesn’t: softness, kindness, and femininity. They are women who don’t need to compete with men in order to prove their strength and power. They already know their value.
Healthy men just don’t respond to the masculine energy some women bring to the table. That’s not how love works.
After Lahren’s video went viral, she got some blowback from men. Again, rather than turn inward, she responded with vitriol: “It appears to me the ‘men’ getting triggered by this video are likely not ‘men’ at all. If you were, you’d know this doesn’t apply to you, and you’d laugh at all the wussy boys that don’t know how to grow up and act right.”
Either that, or they’re laughing at supercilious girls who don’t know how to grow up and act right. If the purpose of Lahren’s video was to weed out the boys to make way for the men, she’s failed.
No real man will show up now.
Suzanne Venker (@SuzanneVenker) is a contributor to the Washington Examiner’s Beltway Confidential blog. She’s the author of five books and is a relationship coach as well as host of The Suzanne Venker Show. Her website is www.suzannevenker.com.
