Last week, those of us from George Mason University staying at Exeter College, Oxford, England, during the summer school program had the pleasure of watching the taping of BBC’s “Lewis” — a sequel to the popular “Inspector Morse” series. Filming took place next door, at Lincoln College, and we were able to see Lewis and his own Lewis-like sidekick tape the same one-minute scene over and over.
We were impressed with the polite interaction of camera crew, technicians and actors with those of us watching from the opposite sidewalk. They asked us, kindly, not to take flash photos during filming, and to move over if they planned a shot that included our side of the street. They stopped filming to allow bicycles to pass, and at both ends of the street stood signs that read, “CAUTION. FILMING IN PROGRESS. The Producers and Crew would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused.”
The British are often issuing apologies and thanks. When I leave a shop without a purchase, the shopkeeper thanks me for stopping in. If a train is a few minutes late, there is an announcement apologizing for any inconvenience, and when riders exit the front of a bus, they always thank the driver. A sign behind the driver reads: “When the bus is moving you must not stand forward of this point or distract the driver without good reason.” Signage in the U.S. would never include those last three words!
Are the British generally more courteous than Americans? I wouldn’t necessarily draw that conclusion, although there is plenty of evidence to support it. I think the British conform to the rules of a polite society more naturally than do Americans. Our signs efficiently instruct us to do something or not do something — but they rarely apologize or thank us.
The flip side of this extreme politeness, however, is the well-known British acid tongue. Journalists in the U.K. can make short work of politicians and celebrities, whereas the U.S. press corps tends to more moderate criticism. “A true friend stabs you in the front” is Oscar Wilde’s comment on a society renowned for its rapier wit. Another of his aphorisms observes, “A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.”
Yet even if politeness in the U.K. is a matter of form, there’s a lesson for visitors like us. There is no talking during lectures — rare in an American classroom — and students thank and apologize more here. Even the GMU student who has been ill twice during the program has assured me that she is having a great time and is grateful for the chance to study at Oxford.
When I was new to teaching, I rarely thanked classes for their attention or their good work. In the last 10 years, I almost always do. At Exeter College, every lecturer thanks the audience for its attention, and many in that audience come up afterward to offer thanks in return. It’s important to make explicit the gratitude that teachers or students think goes without saying. Very little in human interaction “goes without saying,” and that has become a lesson as valuable as any other at Oxford. And thank you for reading this column!
Erica Jacobs, whose column appears Wednesday, teaches at George Mason University. E-mail her at [email protected].
What kids are reading
This weekly column will look at lists of books kids are reading in various categories, including grade level, book genre and data from booksellers. Information on the books below came from Amazon.com’s list of children’s books.
Books on politeness and manners
1. Manners Can Be Fun by Munro Leaf (Ages 9-12)
2. Dude, That’s Rude!: Get Some Manners by Pamela Espeland and Elizabeth Verdick (Ages 9-12)
3. Manners by Aliki (Baby-Preschool)
4. The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners by Stan and Jan Berenstain (Ages 4-8)
5. Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior by Judith Martin and Gloria Kamen (Teen-Adult)
6. Be Polite and Kind by Cheri J. Meiners and Meredith Johnson (Ages 4-8)
7. Polite as a Princess by Melissa Langonegro, Niall Harding, and Atelier Philippe Harchy (Ages 4-8)
8. Polite Elephant by Richard Scarry (Baby-Preschool)
9. Caveman Manners and Other Polite Poems by David Steinberg and Adrian C. Sinnott (Ages 4-8)
10. Mind Your Manners, B.B. Wolf by Judith Sierra and J.Otto Seibold (Ages 4-8)
