And now, sports fans, the received wisdom of the ages: “Three announcers in a sports booth is one too many.”
One announcer is a call. I don?t know why a game is called instead of reported or announced, but it is. So, one announcer is a call. Two is a discussion. Three is a crowd.
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But networks persist in trying it. Now, on Monday Night Football, ESPN has Tirico, Kornheiser and Jaworski. It sounds like a Democratic machine ticket from the 1950s for mayor, president of the city council and comptroller. They?re each, all three, by themselves, quite fine. They seem to know their football ? especially Jaworski, who lets you know he knows his football. They also seem to have chemistry, which is supposed to mean a lot. Unfortunately, three voices in a booth usually all sound the same. They just run together on Monday Night Football. It?s just babblebabble/four-man-front/babble-babble/third-down-pecentage-yadayadayada/check-off-red-zone/babble babble.
If you?re going to have three guys, they can?t all sound the same. Be honest. When you listen to the three tenors, can you really tell which one is Domingo and which one is Carreras and which one is Pavarotti (God rest his soul)? Do you really know which one is singing O Sole Mio or which one is singing Come Back to Sorrento? Be honest. You don?t. And that?s got a good beat and you can dance to it, too.
But three football announcers just have chemistry. Not enough. The only time three-in-a-booth worked was when Howard Cosell was on Monday Night Football or when Al McGuire was on college basketball. Because Cosell and McGuire were sui generis. In fact, Howard would have called himself sui generis. Howard told me once that no matter how powerful television might be, a radio voice can possess even more authority. In a fit of modesty, he said he had only the second most distinctive voice in radio. Paul Harvey, he said, was No. 1. Fair enough. But if you don?t have a Cosell or a Paul Harvey or an Al McGuire, please, stick to two in a booth, like NBC does on Sunday night football, with Al Michaels and John Madden. That is so much better. You can tell them apart.
So, on Monday night football, I love it when the sideline announcers are allowed on stage for a moment or two. Sideline announcers are sports television?s way of acknowledging that women can now be let out of the kitchen. Sideline announcers are role models for little girls. And I love sideline announcers myself. Not because they are women, but because they have women?s voices. I finally come to life when I hear a sideline announcer. I am like a dog who can suddenly hear a shrill sound no human being can.
It is babblebabblebabbleboth-feet-were-inboundsbabblebabble/safetyblitz/yadayada/two-tight-ends-clock-management/yadayada and then (in falsetto) babblebabblebabble/concussion-team-trainer-babblebabble/turf-toe-gone-to-the-locker room/yadayada/halftime-pep-talk.
But then it is back up to the three guys in the booth and it all runs together again, one big bloviation blur. Hey, it?s just a game. It?s just a call. But then, as any of you who turn to ESPN knows: the E stands for excess.
Frank Deford?s column also appears Wednesdays on National Public Radio?s Morning Edition. He can be reached at [email protected].
