With Sprinkles opening beginning the next onslaught of overpriced and overrated cupcakes on March 3rd and DC Cupcakes premiering its second season tonight, it begs the question: How much does DC still like this fad? Answer honestly, when was the last time you bought a Pinkberry knock off? Wore a mini backpack? Or Jerry Curled your hair? In a decade we’ll scream to the heavens asking why we paid fourty dollars for a dozen cupcakes, the same way people question their sanity after a flock of seagulls’ haircut.
In the light of the newest cupcakery on the block and a boring food show renewal, it’s time for an intervention. The first step is recognition. DC has a problem, and that problem is the cupcake. How do we justify spending five dollars on a cupcake?! Five dollars can buy all the ingredients and bake 24 cupcakes in less time then it takes to stand out in the cold of a Georgetown shop.
The argument that a professional cupcake tastes better is ridiculous. Some do, but most do not. Why not spend a bit more to get Birch and Barley’s chef made cookies and confections? If baking seems too difficult, pardon me while I stand in awe of how you have mastered the intricacies on the internet, navigated your way to this post (while bored at a desk job no less), but can’t read the back of a Betty Crocker box. There may not be an app for that, but it’s not exactly rocket science.
Last summer I became so enraged at the ongoing debated over the best cupcake in town that I went to every cupcakery in DC and bought the basic chocolate cake with chocolate frosting from every single one. After a long day of walking and popping migraine medication to stem off the Metro Transit Syndrome I had a smorgasbord of cupcakes and a five large glass of milk in front of me and my friends.
Baked & Wired was the clear winner, hands down and with a smirk in the direction of the second-place-first-loser Georgetown Cupcake. Red Velvet was the worst and made me vomit a little in my mouth, while Whole Foods lacked flavor, but is still better than the gag-me cupcake or the dry, lifeless Hello Cupcake. Fifty dollars of decimated cupcakes in front me and I realized this whole thing is idiocy. I have not bought another cupcake since.
The cupcakery is just another fad, and like “The Rachel” haircut and parachute pants, it’s time has passed, but I do have high hopes for Sprinkles making all my wildest dreams come true. If Sprinkles will take just enough of the market share so all the little cupcakeries have to fold, and Baked & Wired, who intelligently is already on top of the pie trend, will remain open selling the best cupcake DC has on the side.
Jana Erwin is the primary chef and writer of CherryTeaCakes.com, a non-profit venture combining the love of fine desserts and feeding the impoverished in Washington DC.
