The atmosphere at our house has been unbelievably pleasant and tranquil for the past week or so. There is new harmoniousness among the oft-squabbling siblings. Breakfasts have been punctual, varied and delicious. If we’re delayed on the way to school, any recriminations have been mild and fraternal.
I don’t think I’ve yelled at anyone once, for anything.
Oh, it’s been lovely.
In the evenings, we’ve enjoyed candlelight with even the humblest dinners — though, come to think of it, the meals haven’t been humble. Not once has it been “cereal night,” that last refuge of the disorganized cook. People have been pushing in their chairs after dinner, and pausing before interrupting each other in conversation.
We have, in short, been living for 10 days or so the way we ought to live all the time.
What has caused this blooming of civilization? I wish I could say “virtue” or “because we are just totally awesome.” The truth is, we’ve been behaving well because we have an exchange student staying with us.
The arrival of a charming and polite Spanish teenager has had the effect of turning on us the Terrible Torch of Truth. In its remorseless light, we have been unable to avoid seeing certain deficiencies in the way our family normally operates.
Small acts of low-level slovenliness — coats dropped on the mudroom floor, shoes left in a heap — suddenly seem conspicuous. Everyday bickering all at once sounds mortifyingly childish even to the children who are engaging in it. A mother bawling up the staircase to announce dinner realizes too late that she ought to use her indoor voice.
It turns out there is no corrective so effectual as the charming and polite gaze of someone else’s well-raised child.
Having a foreign stranger to stay is a bit like the experience of showing your house to a Realtor: You see the place through someone else’s eyes. All at once you become aware of the improvements it could use. And while it’s faintly embarrassing to recognize how much oneself and one’s family need tweaking, there’s definitely a sense of satisfaction in making the modifications. The reward is that you get to live in an atmosphere of concord and calm.
Let me hasten to say our guest in no way seems to scrutinize or judge. He’s a terrific kid who has quickly adapted to the more-harmonious-than-usual rhythms of domestic life. Like all exchange students, he’s here for a full cultural immersion. If he had come to a house where people fight constantly, leave shoes and crumbs everywhere, and bellow up and down the stairs, well, he’d probably take it as just part of the rich pageantry of American life.
So it is for reasons not only of personal but also patriotic pride that we’re showing our best face. With any luck, the changes we’re making now will last beyond our exchange student’s visit. He’s here for a month. That’s well short of the 66 days it apparently takes to create a new habit, but it’s a start.
Meghan Cox Gurdon’s column appears on Sunday and Thursday. She can be contacted at [email protected].
