Is it possible to make a funny farce out of the types of people involved with the Arab-Israeli conflict? Forget your Gaza. Because it’s Waterboy making old ladies strip, don’t look for hope during today’s sophomoric foray into the unpromised land of ethnic ridicule and senior citizen defilement.
Yes, folks, regardless of venue, “Don’t Mess With the Zohan” is purely and simply — or, impurely and simplistically — an Adam Sandler movie.
In its fish-out-of-water premise, Sandler plays an impervious he-man called the Zohan. Tired of assassinations and bombs, he aspires to leave behind a life of Middle Eastern covert operations to style hair in New York. Hilarity is, of course, meant to ensue.
If Sandler’s usual fans can drag themselves out of the primordial ooze long enough to hit the multiplex, they’ll probably laugh. The happy followers of “Happy Gilmore” get more of his old outrageousness that substitutes for wit, this time in a weaker “Borat” rip-off. Nodding to Sacha Baron Cohen’s creation, it features another sexually obsessed, sexist foreigner in America with a silly accent, an unbridled id and a dream.
For nonfans, repetitive gags and a slow pace make the result a slog to the eventual Pollyanna moment of healing between the Israeli superspy Zohan and a gleefully violent Palestinian terrorist called the Phantom (John Turturro). A one-note love interest is duly added, the salon owner played by “Entourage’s” Emmanuelle Chriqui. A number of Sandler troupe regulars, including the repugnant Rob Schneider, also appear.
It’s hard to pick out the coup de grace, though, as ancient cultures are diminished and mockery about below-the-waist body hair and postmenopausal nymphomania abound. Is it the incessant, never clever references to hummus? Or could it be the rising moon of nude elder showbiz stateswoman Lainie Kazan? Maybe it’s the Mariah Carey cameo, proving yet again that she can’t act … even playing herself.
Director Dennis Dugan, the man also responsible for last year’s even worse Sandler fiasco “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” allows the star’s tired shtick to overshadow everything else unabated. Because Sandler is the producer and co-writer (with co-scripters Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow), he probably had no choice.
But you do! Amid the blowing up and blowing dry, “Don’t Mess With the Zohan” blows. So don’t go.
