Hillary Clinton’s campaign store is officially up and running, offering everything from Hillary-themed tumbler cups to H-covered baby wear.
Instead of forcing you to browse through all the (mostly overpriced) items, I thought I’d give you a sampling of the truly most outrageous accessories, signs and clothing pieces put up for sale by the Clinton campaign … and what they really say about those who buy them.
1) The “Everyday Pantsuit Tee”
You’re only $30 away from sporting this number and “bringing a whole new meaning to casual Friday,” the website advertises. Though the pantsuit’s bottom half is regrettably not included, the t-shirt is enough to make quite the statement no matter where you wear it. On the back, the tee reads, “pantsuit up,” an obvious ripoff of character Barney Stinson’s popular line on “How I Met Your Mother.”
What it really says: I often pair this with my Pajama Jeans.
2) The “Future Voter Onesie”
It will only cost your toddler $25 to get “on board for Hillary 2016,” and, hey, there’s nothing wrong with exposing your little one to political thought and discourse early on in his or her life. Unfortunately, I’d guess this baby needs a bit more time to understand wiped-clean servers and foreign donations before expressing certainty in backing Clinton. Moms and dads — let your kids make up their minds for themselves!
What it really says: My mom and dad don’t care that Hillary will probably demand $300,000 to speak at my future college even as the school raises my tuition costs.
3) The “Hats Off to Hillary” cap
This $35 hat features a flat brim adorned on the inside by tons of those hip “H” logos. And, as the website stresses, the piece “looks good from every angle” while still only being mildly more expensive than your average MLB hat.
What it really says: “H” stands for “hair” … as in, I’m having a bad hair day.
4) The “Think Tank”
Of course hip Hil’ had to get in on the tank top trend, offering this cool graphic version for those enthusiastic about her presidential campaign. It’s the perfect $30 piece for your typical college bro, and girls can also purchase the unisex item that the website touts as the “gingham print of the future.”
What it really says: I can get political and a tan.
5) The “Hillary for America” gift card
This thoughtful gift comes in denominations of $10, $25, $50 and $100 and presents the perfect gift for those close to you who are crazy ready for Hillary.
What it really says: I had no idea what the f–k to buy you for your birthday, but you’re a liberal, so here.
6) The “Stitch by Stitch Throw Pillow”
You’re probably speechless at the sight of this gem, which will only set you back $55. “The perfect touch for any home,” the website advertises, “whether it’s 1600 Pennsylvania Ave or simply Pennsylvania.” If Hillary wins in 2016, I’m betting this stylish piece finds its way into every room in the White House.
What it really says: My dog threw up all over that hideous pillow my grandmother knitted for me, so this will replace it.
7) The “I’m With Hillary” bumper sticker pack
If you’re cheap in your support of the former secretary of state, there’s always this two-pack of Hillary bumper stickers, which will only cost you $5 (or $2.50 if, as the website suggests, you split the set with a friend). What better way to spread the Hillary love than advertising it on your vehicle?
What it really says: My Obama bumper sticker from 2008 finally peeled off and this seemed like the logical replacement.
